Free Just You by Rebecca Phillips

could’ve
told me this was a double date, you know. I feel ridiculous, being
here with him. I mean, he’s freaking perfect, Robin. How am I
supposed to live up to that?”
    Our eyes met in the mirror as she fixed her
hair. “Nobody is perfect. Give him a chance, Tay. I think he might
surprise you.”
    Like Brian surprised me? I thought,
following Robin out of the washroom. Michael was still right where
we left him in the lobby, waiting for me. “Ready?” he asked,
holding out his hand for me to take. All I could do was stare at
it, hesitant and torn on what to do next. Part of me wanted to take
his hand and let him believe I liked him, and part of me wanted to
ignore it and let him believe I wasn’t interested. The problem was
that both things were true.
    “Ready,” I said, and I took his hand. It was
fine until I realized we looked like a couple, holding hands like
that, and my arm tensed up. And then my palms started sweating. And
finally I started inching away, little by little. Michael obviously
sensed this sudden cooling off because by the time we were in our
seats again, he had let my hand go. And from that point on, despite
acting polite as ever, it was clear he’d given up on me. I couldn’t
blame him, really, what with the dizzying mixed signals I’d been
throwing out all night.
    I didn’t pay much attention during the last
movie either. I sat there in silence, watching the screen without
actually seeing it and methodically nibbling on popcorn. Every so
often I’d glance at Michael, whose jaw had continued to grow
increasingly rigid in the past hour. My rum buzz had worn off and
been replaced by the heaviness of remorse. He’s a nice guy ,
I kept thinking. He deserves someone who’s open and trusting and
secure, someone who’s…perfect. Someone other than me.
    As predicted, Michael offered to drive me
home after the movie. Purely out of courtesy, I knew. My curfew was
fast approaching, so I agreed. First, we dropped Devon and Robin
off at some college party taking place at an old house on the north
end of town. Before leaving the car Robin assured me that she’d get
a taxi home in a couple of hours, and I made her promise to call me
in the morning.
    “She’ll be okay,” Michael said, seeing the
worry in my face as we pulled away from the house. “She’s tough,
right?”
    I thought about the time I saw her kick a
guy in the shins for brushing up against her in line at Taco Bell.
And then afterwards he apologized and bought her a taco. “Yes,” I
said. “She is.”
    It was a quiet drive home. Michael wasn’t
even trying to make conversation anymore. The silence in the car
got louder and louder with each city block, and I began to wonder
who would break it first.
    Finally, with the car parked neatly in the
driveway alongside my father’s Camry, Michael’s voice sliced
through the silence. “Well,” he said, his eyes on the front door,
where Leo had once again stationed himself behind the window. “I
guess…”
    “I’m sorry for tonight,” I said, thinking an
apology was the least I could offer him after such a disastrous
date.
    He looked at me, puzzled. “What are you
sorry for?”
    I inhaled deeply, catching the pungent smell
of burnt pumpkin flesh coming from outside the open window.
“Wasting your time.”
    He didn’t deny the fact that wasting his
time was precisely what I’d done. “Why did you go tonight?” He
didn’t seem angry or even annoyed. Just curious. Baffled by the
mystery that was me.
    “I don’t know.”
    “I asked you out because I thought we liked
each other. I mean, you seemed to like me before when we were
talking at—.”
    “I did,” I said quickly. “I do . Like
you.”
    He switched the car off, and I knew I was in
for a long grilling. Hopefully he wouldn’t get frustrated when he
realized I was just as puzzled over my actions as he was. “Then
what happened? What changed?”
    I focused on a tiny chip in the windshield,
the only visible flaw on