Free Raised By Wolves Volume four- Wolves by W. A. Hoffman Page B

searchingmine.
“I heard allyou said, my dear sister. But ifI forsake him, thenthat is meaningless.”
She squatted beside me again. “Will, do not do this. Collins is…”She glanced over her shoulder at Thorp.
He shrugged. “I care not whether your brother is sincere or not with that unctuous twerp. My job is to deliver you both, alive, to your father. Matters of sin and propriety are Collins’ concern.”
She turned back to me. “Lie, Will. It is all lies. It does not matter. No one willjudge youonwhat yousayto avoid…”
“I will,” I interjected. “The… God will. Centaurs cannot live incaves, watchingthe shadows oflies uponthe wall.”
“Oh, Lord,” she sighed. “They have beaten you senseless.”
She caressed my cheek sadly with a gloved hand and stood. “Can you not see that he is in such a state as to be bereft ofreason?”
Thorp sighed heavily. “I can see that. I will talk to Collins.”
Sleep called, and as I was so comfortable lying on the pallet, I followed. I dreamt ofships, and mymatelot.
I woke to insistent prodding, and Watkins had to hold me up as I used the proffered pot. Then he had to feed me the gruel: my hand shook so badly I could not hold the cup. I discovered Collins watching fromacross the table and could not remember how I came to be sittingat it.
“I will not forsake Gaston,” I told him. The words
“I will not forsake Gaston,” I told him. The words seemed somewhat indistinct, and at his frown I began to repeat
them. He held up his hand. “I do not ask that you forsake
    anyone. A man is allowed to love his fellow man… with great devotion. Many men have fierce friendships and loyalties. But… a man must not lie with another man, even if he loves him. Can you not love this man, but not lie with him? Can you not satisfy your carnalneeds witha woman?”
    He sounded reasonable, but I did not trust it. There was something wrong with that reasoning. It involved truth, and pleasure, and carnal lusts, and… “My cock is… part of my Horse. And my Horse is my heart. And I ride my Horse. If I love, then I should be able to love the object of my love in all ways. Even ifmy cock wishes to go elsewhere... It should follow myheart. And cleave to myheart.”
    Collins regarded me as ifI were mad.
I did not care, I was confused. There was something wrong with my words. Gaston’s cock wished to go elsewhere, and thoughit came to me because he willed it so, it stillwished to go elsewhere; and, I did not hold that against him.
That was not the reason. There was some connection betweenlust and love, though.
“My cock prefers men,” I said. “Women are merely interestingdiversions.”
“But your cock must not prefer men,”Collins said.
I wanted to say that my cock could bloody well prefer what I would, but there was that specter of Gaston’s cock preferringwomenagain. It mocked me.
The cock did not have a mind of it own. The heart was the Horse. Gaston’s Horse loved me. Mine loved him. There was no confusionthere.
“The heart rules,”I muttered. “The cock is nothing.”
“Aye, aye,” Collins said enthusiastically. “There can be love without carnality.”
I nodded. I had to admit that was true. There could be love without carnal desire: there could be love without succumbing to carnal desire. But I liked my carnal desire, and felt I was entitled to it; and ifI was to feelit and enjoyit, I should be able to share it withwhomever I chose.
“I love Gaston, and he loves me,”I said.
“Aye, but youneed not lie together,”Collins said.
I shook myhead. “Nay.”
Collins smiled happily. “Just so, mylord. Youneed not.”
I shook my head again. The man was stupid. “Nay. We do need to lie together.”
Collins sighed with disappointment and leaned forward to pat my hand. “All right, we will discuss it again on the morrow. I feelwe have made great progress today.”
He did not understand a damnthingI had said. I was not sure if I did. Yet, he was so very close, and he stillhad