Free Beautiful Life: The Carpino Series by Brynne Asher

answered.  I thought I was going to have to come find you,” Gabby breathes making me stop in my tracks.
    “What’s wrong?” I demand.
    “Leigh, I don’t…” her voice hitches and I can tell she’s crying.  I hear the phone being shuffled around and Jude talking to her in the background. 
    “Gabby?” I say louder, trying to get her back on the phone.
    “Leigh?  You’ve got Jude.”
    “Is she okay?” I bite out.
    I can tell he’s softened his voice when he starts, “No, Leigh.  Something has happened today, Gabby’s okay now, I’ll explain later, but it’s Tony.  We’re here at the hospital.  He’s in surgery,” I hear him pull in a breath and pause.  “Leigh, he’s been shot.  He lost a lot of blood and they rushed him into surgery immediately.”
    “What?” I ask, but can barely hear the word myself. 
    Tony’s been shot?  How could he have been shot?  As stupid as this sounds after learning such horrific news, all I can picture in my mind is his unruly hair that falls to his forehead and how his almost black eyes are so soft when they sweep my face it feels like a touch.  As I reach out to hold on the desk, I try to catalog every touch and caress he’s given me over the past couple months that feel like gifts.  Gifts I now realize I’ve taken for granted.  He’s given me everything I’ve needed without me offering anything in return.  I think about when I’m with him I feel safe and I can’t remember the last time I felt safe.  He’s even given me the gift of sleeping peacefully for the first time in I don’t know how long.  But I have nothing to offer him…
    “Leigh, are you there?  Are you okay?  How much longer do you have on your shift?” Jude presses, breaking into my thoughts. 
    “I…two hours, I think.  How long has he been in surgery?” I ask trying to get my wits about me.  I feel like I’m good under pressure, you have to be as an ICU nurse, but when it’s someone you know, someone you care about, it’s a different story.
    “About an hour and a half I think,” Jude says.  Now that I’m concentrating again, I hear Gabby crying and Jude says close to the phone, “Shhh, sugar, settle down.”
    I move to the computer to see where Tony is and what surgeon he’s with as I ask, “Is she okay?”
    “The doctor’s thought she was in shock.  I’ll explain it all soon.  I’ll call as soon as I know something.  Are you going to be okay?  Can you finish your shift?  I know this is your first day back, but you and Tony…” Jude leaves the sentence open, as I’m sure he doesn’t know how to finish it.  Hell, I don’t even know how to finish that sentence. 
    I hear the tone of my watch, reminding me my sweet elderly patient needs his meds, “I’ve got to go.  I’ll be there as soon as I can.  Call me if you hear something.”
    As my fingers fly across the keyboard, I find Tony was admitted with a gunshot wound to the abdomen and he’s with one of the top surgeons on staff.  Not that any of them are bad, but he’s the one I’d pick if I had to.  Forcing my body to move to my patient, I feel numb all over.  I triple check his meds before administering them, I don’t need to make any mistakes because my mind isn’t where it needs to be. 
    I try not to let myself think about the what ifs.  What if his family loses him?  What if Gabby loses him?  The Carpinos have lost dearly over the last few years with Gabby’s parents’ car accident.  And I can’t let myself think about what if I lost him.  But I do think about everything he’s given me in the past two months.  Reasons to smile.  Reasons to laugh.  Reasons to forget.  Reasons to be happy.  Reasons to feel alive.
    I’ve taken it all.             
    And I’ve given him nothing in return. 
    I go to find my head nurse to beg off early.  I’ve already agreed to work back to back shifts Christmas Eve and Christmas allowing other nurses to be home with