Free Eater of Lives(SPECTR #4) by Jordan L. Hawk Page B

tiles uncomfortably, and wrapped his arms around his
knees.
    The moth people, whoever the fuck they were,
had been right. John would hold the SPECTR line no matter what.
    Sean had gotten it wrong. John didn’t want
just to immolate himself on the altar of responsibility. His whole
damned life was one more sacrifice. Including Gray.
    “ But I am not a part of his life, am
I?”
    No. No, Gray wasn’t. And it hurt and
it shouldn’t, because Gray had caused Caleb nothing but pain. Gray
fucked up his life, first by taking Ben’s body, then by possessing
him, and…
    …And it wasn’t fair, damn it. Gray didn’t
sign up for this, any more than he had. How could he stand there
and rail at John because no one had asked what he wanted, and not
admit no one had ever asked what Gray wanted, either?
    “ I did not wish for this.” Gray’s
presence was…tentative, almost. A tiger afraid of the lash, keeping
to a corner of its cage. “I did not mean to hurt you. I am sorry
for it, and sorry for your pain, and I would undo it this instant
if I could. But I cannot regret it happened.”
    Caleb closed his eyes. Of course Gray didn’t
regret it. Thousands of years of nothing but the hunt, of only
desiccated memories gleaned from the decaying neurons of the
corpses he inhabited to tell him about mortal life…
    “ I never knew.” Wonder, but tinged
with grief. “I never understood the beauty of this world. Of
color and shape and texture. Of love. Until you. Thank you,
Caleb.”
    Caleb took in a deep sip of breath, before
letting it out slowly. You’re welcome .
    And he meant it. Damn everything, but despite
all the horror, he couldn’t entirely regret this either. Gray
was…well. Naïve and inscrutable and inhuman and scary.
    But Caleb didn’t want him to die.
    “ Nor do I wish to.” Sorrow. “I will
miss this. All of this. But I never meant to hurt you. If these
moths can fix things, can allow me to move on without harming you
further…I will submit.”
    It wouldn’t be easy, of course. The moths
might be lying. Brimm had some of their books, and he’d wanted to
enslave Gray. Maybe these others did, too.
    What had Brimm said? The old cliché of moths
to flames, which sounded more like a dig at them than a show of
solidarity. Perhaps he’d been their enemy, too, and stolen the
books.
    And if they had told the truth, and did
exorcise Gray, it wouldn’t be the end of it for Caleb. John would
ask questions, when Caleb showed up without his passenger. Kaniyar
would. Worse, she’d bring in an empath and make sure Caleb couldn’t
get away with lying.
    What kind of penalties were there for
releasing an NHE? He had the vague idea unauthorized exorcisms were
illegal, to keep down phonies who might hurt someone, or mistake
mental illness for possession. But the exorcist was the criminal in
those cases. Not that he thought these moth people were going to
hang around long enough to get caught.
    Would Caleb be left holding the bag? Would he
escape a SPECTR cell just to end up in a normal jail? He didn’t
have any illusions about his ability to go on the run from the law
by himself.
    Even if there weren’t any serious criminal
repercussions, John would be furious. He’d see it as a betrayal of
everything SPECTR—and therefore he—stood for. It would be the end
of their relationship, one way or another.
    “ I am sorry.”
    Caleb’s eyes burned, but he made himself
smile ruefully, even if no one else could see. You brought him
into my life in the first place. Besides, I always knew falling in
love with a Spec was a mistake .
    Yeah, he’d known better…and still hoped
anyway.
    But no fairytale end waited, not for any of
them. Gray would return to an endless string of corpses, except now
he knew just how pale and hollow such an existence really was.
Caleb would be lucky not to end up in prison. And John…
    Maybe he’d get back with Will after all. Or
some other guy. Someone normal, like Sean had said.
    Two days. Let’s