Free 1 Dewitched by E.L. Sarnoff Page A

Cinderella’s ugly stepsister. Hook will never fall for me.” 
    She’s right. What she needs is an extreme makeover.
     
    ***
     
    I may be a master of disguise, but I’m not a makeover magician. Still, I’ve got to give it a shot. The poor girl is desperate. 
    Using every trick I know, I style her limp hair, make her bite down on her thin lips to give them a little color, and pluck a few of her unsightly chin hairs. One final touch--I tell her to lose the hair bow.
    “How do I look?” she asks.
    For once, I’m glad there are no mirrors at Faraway. She definitely looks more attractive. But you can only go so far with what you have. Okay. Let me put it this way: I haven’t exactly transformed her into a Rehab Goddess.
    “I don’t feel beautiful,” she mopes.
    “Elz, that’s exactly your problem,” says Winnie, who has stopped by on her way to breakfast. “Beauty is an attitude.”  
    “What do you mean?” I ask.
    “Men are attracted to women who think they’re beautiful.”
    What does this two hundred-pound bruiser of a woman know about beauty that I don’t?
     “And besides, there are other attributes far more important than mere physical beauty for attracting a man,” she continues.
    Now, she’s really got me curious. Elz is also all ears.
    “It’s simple. Be confident. Be playful. Be interested. Men are fascinated by women who find them fascinating.” 
    What is she--some kind of seduction genie?
    “Winnie, how do you know all this sh…stuff?” I ask with a tone of distrust.
    “I landed a husband,” she says before forlornness edges out the pride on her face. “You know, I was thin once.” 
     
    ***
     
    At breakfast, Elz flutters around The Enchanted Garden, singing her “lalalas” louder than ever.
    “Careful,” I overhear Winnie whisper to her. “Let him know you exist, but don’t be too obvious.”
    To my amazement, Winnie’s words of wisdom work like a charm. Hook strides up to Elz and checks out her pillar-like body. Even in flats, she’s several inches taller than him.
    “Elzmerelda, you’re looking particularly lovely today,” he says, flashing his pearly white teeth.
    “Really?” She sounds more disbelieving than flattered.
    He sneaks a wink at me. Asswipe! Fortunately, Elz is too enraptured to notice. I just don’t get what she sees in this pompous asshole.
    “Push-lease!” comes a sarcastic voice nearby. It’s Sasperilla. She moseys over to us.
    “Captain, why are you wasting your time with her? Smiling coyly, she bats her eyelashes. “Everyone says I’m the pretty one.”
    Elz frowns but says nothing.
    Sasperilla twirls around to show herself off. Her frilly pink frock does little for her other than to expose the beveled edges of her rib cage.
    Hook gives her the once-over. “Babe, you should put some meat on those bones.”
    Sasperilla turns as pink as her dress and stomps off. I’m grateful for Hook’s brutal honesty despite how much I despise him.
    “So, Jane--” he says, moving closer to me.
    I cut him off. “Later. It’s time for morning meditation.”
    “I’ll be meditating about you, babe.” 
    And I’ll be in some other world where he doesn’t exist.
     
    ***
     
    I head over to Shrink’s office for my session after morning meditation.
    Reclining in the chaise, I shift restlessly waiting for her to show up. Why do I always have to see bugface right after morning meditation and mess up the rest of my day? I mean, after meditation, I’m always so relaxed and empowered. After Shrink, I’m always so stressed and damaged. It’s not fair. I’m going to ask for a schedule change. I’ve been here long enough. Four forever days. I deserve it.
    “Today, Jane, we’re going to play a little game,” says Shrink as she finally flits into her office.
    Big whoop.
    “Did you ever play any games as a child?” 
    Only one game comes to mind. When my mother was out with her latest male conquest, I would sneak into her room and dress up in one of