Free 1 Dewitched by E.L. Sarnoff

to me. Where have I heard it before? I know. Shrink mentioned it during our first session. Something about a Peter Pan complex and her sister Tinkerbell.
    I can’t help myself. “Do you know a Tinkerbell?”
    Hook reddens with rage. “She’s the real reason I’m here! That two-timing imp! I should have never trusted her to lead me to Peter Pan.” 
    I would almost give my hand to sit in on a session between Shrink and Hook. It could get personal. Maybe, he’ll smoosh her.
    Hook seethes. “Man, could I use a bottle of rum!”
    “Let me pour you some tea,” says Elz sweetly.
    “Real men don’t drink tea.” He storms off but doesn’t get far.
    “Where do you think you’re going, mister?” asks Fanta, yanking him back by a handful of his gorgeous hair.
    “You’re on clean-up duty tonight,” smiles Flossie. “Remember?”
    “Move it,” snaps Fairweather.
    Ha! You deserve clean-up duty, you pig.
     
    ***
     
    Just my luck. I’m on clean-up duty with Hook. So is Sasperilla.
    Hook scrapes the dishes with his handy iron claw, then passes them to me to scrub. I’m careful not to let him get too close. Sasperilla, meanwhile, sits idly on a counter, twirling her corkscrew curls. I bet, before Faraway, she never lifted a wannabe royal finger in her life. 
    “So, Hook, if you’re really King of the Pirates, you’ve probably found lots of buried treasure,” she says sheepishly.
    “Yo, Ho, Ho!” laughs Hook. “Babe, I’m worth millions!”
    Babe? He'd better not try that one on me. And I’m so not falling for his filthy rich act. I know his type. How many times did my mother fall for the same bullshit? The same asshole!
    Sasperilla’s face lights up. She hops off the counter and heads our way. “Why don’t you let me give those dirty dishes to Jane after you’ve scraped them?”
    She worms her emaciated body between us. As much as I despise the skinny bitch, I’m glad swineface is no longer breathing in my face.
    “So, Hook, what exactly are you going to do with all that money?” she purrs, brushing up against him.
    “I’m going to sail away with some babe to some romantic island and build myself a castle.” 
    Sasperilla’s eyes flutter.
    “So, babe, do you want to go out on the town for a drink with me one night?”
    Sasperilla is positively drooling. As her lips part to say “yes,” Hook leans over her and leers at me.
    “So, babe, we’re on?”
    Sasperilla cringes.
    So do I. I want to throw a plate at the swine. There is no town. And there is no babe. Take that back. I want to throw the entire sink full of plates at him. Instead, I croon seductively. And convincingly.
    “Sure. As long as you can get past the crocodile in the moat.”
     Crash! When I say “crocodile,” Hook drops the stack of dishes he’s holding.
    “OW!” screeches Sasperilla. “That was my foot!”
    Clean-up has suddenly become fun.
     
    ***
     
    Exhausted, I retreat to my room. It’s pitch-black. I tread lightly so I don’t wake up Elz.
    As I slip on my nightgown, Elz’s voice filters through the darkness. “Jane, can I tell you a secret?”
    “Sure.” To be honest, it’s the last thing I want to hear. I’ve heard way too much crap for one day.
    “I think I’m in love with Hook.” 
    I don’t know what to say. After all she’s been through today, I can’t bring myself to tell her what I think of him.
    “Great.” I crawl into bed. “Good night.”
    “Sweet dreams, Jane.” 
    “Sweet dreams to you too, Elz.” I only hope Hook’s not in them.
     
     
     

CHAPTER 9
     
    When I awaken in the morning, Elz is bawling. I don’t get it. Last night, she was deliriously in love; now; she’s deliriously in tears. I make a mental note: Reminder! My roomie is a loony. Proceed with caution.
    “What’s the matter?” I ask.
    “I’m so ugly,” she whimpers.
    “No, you’re not.” Who am I kidding? She’s as ugly as sin.
    “Yes, I am!” she insists. “In Lalaland, everyone called me