Free How To Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less by Nicholas Boothman Page A

to start talking without feeling self-conscious. What will they think of me? Am I boring?
    Am I intruding? And most important: How shall I start? The idea is to get the other person talking, then find out what matters to him or her and
     synchronize yourself accordingly. This is the realm of small talk, the hunting ground
     for rapport. It is here that you will search for common interests and other
     stepping-stones to rapport. While big talk is serious stuff like nuclear disarmament and
     politics, small talk is everything else: your personal Web site, renovating the bathroom,
     a speeding ticket or the color of cousin Marisa's new sports car.
    Stop talking and start asking!
    onversation is how we open other people up to see what's inside, to deliver a message, or both. And questions are the spark plugs of
     conversation. Be aware, however, that there are two types of questions: those that open
     people up and those that close them down. Questions work with incredible ease and the
     results are virtually guaranteed, so be sure you know which is which.
    Here's the difference. Open questions request an explanation and thus require the other
     person to do the talking. Closed questions elicit a “yes” or “no” response. The problem with closed
     questions is that once you've been given a response, you're back where you started and
     you'll have to think of another question to maintain some semblance of conversation.
    A simple formula for striking up a conversation: Begin with a statement about the
     location or occasion, then ask an open question.
    It's a good idea to precede an open question with an opening statement. The best type of
     rapport-inducing statement is one linked to something you already have in common with the
     other person: the meeting or party you're attending, some fascinating current eventeven
     the weather will do in a pinch! We call this a location/ occasion statement. Examples
     include: “What an elegant room.” “Look at all that food.” “It was a wonderful service.”
     “My wife knows a few of your piano pieces by heart.” “He never knew what hit him.” That
     sort of thing.
    Next comes the open question: “Where do you think those vases came from?” “How well did
     you know him?” The very fact that your question is open will guarantee that you quickly
     receive free information.
    Use opening-up words. Good conversation is like a leisurely game of tennis with the words being pitched backward
     and forward for as long as there is mutual interest. When the words go off the court, it's time to serve again. An open question is
     the equivalent of a wellaimed serve.
    Open questions begin with one of six conversationgenerating words: Who? When? What? Why? Where? How? These words invite an explanation, an opinion or a feeling: “How do you know that?” “Who
     told you?” “Where do you think this information comes from?” “When did you come to that
     conclusion?” “Why should I be interested?” “What good do these words do?” They assist us
     in establishing rapport and making connections because they oblige the other person to
     start talking and begin opening up.
    You can boost these conversation generators by adding sensory specific verbs: see, tell
     and feel. In doing this, you're asking the person to go into his or her imagination and
     bring out something personal to show you. “Where do you see yourself by this time next year?” “Tell me why you decided on Bali for your vacation.” “How do you feel about calamari?”
    Avoid closing-down words. These words will have you playing tennis all on your own against a brick wall. The opposite of opening-up words are
     these interrogatives: Are you . . . ? Do you . . . ? Have you .. . ?
    In other words, any questioning forms of the verbs “to be,” “to have” and “to do” will
     close off your chances of rapport-inducing conversation. They elicit a one-word reply: “yes” or