Free Lights Out by Jason Starr

really am, but I just can’t.’ Christina sat down at the makeup table and started putting on her blush.
    ‘I’m so sick of all this sneaking-around bullshit,’ Ryan said.
    ‘You think I’m not?’
    ‘So what’re we gonna do about it?’
    ‘What do you mean? I’m breaking up with Jake tonight.’
    ‘So when can we start acting like a normal couple?’
    ‘Right away .. . I guess.’
    Ryan watched Christina fake-smile to push up her cheeks while she put on her blush. Now Iglesias was singing ‘I Have Always Loved You.’
    ‘You mean that?’ Ryan asked.
    ‘Mean what?’
    ‘That after tonight we can be a normal couple.’
    ‘Of course I mean it.’
    ‘So after tonight we don’t have to have car sex anymore? We can start doing it in our beds whenever we want, even when our parents are home?’
    Still facing the mirror, Christina opened a lipstick. ‘Well, not after
tonight.’
    ‘Then when?’
    ‘Soon.’
    ‘How soon?’
    Christina pursed her lips, finished applying her lipstick, then said, ‘I don’t know, okay?’
    ‘Come on, I want a date,’ Ryan said. ‘A week, two weeks, a month, six months, a year . . . ?’
    ‘After we get engaged.’
    ‘So let’s get engaged tonight.’
    Remaining deadpan, Christina looked at Ryan’s reflection. ‘You’re joking, right?’
    ‘Why would I joke about that? You don’t need a ring to get engaged. I’ll give you something else - my school ring or something. You can wear that till I get you a diamond. Come on, let’s just do it. That’s what you want, right?’
    ‘Of couse that’s what I want.’ She stood up and went toward her dresser. She opened a jewelry box and took out a necklace.
    ‘So then what’s the problem?’
    ‘There’s no problem,’ she said. ‘I just don’t wanna rush right into any .. . I mean, wouldn’t it be more romantic if we waited -you know, built up to it?’
    ‘I’m not talking about getting married - I’m just talking about getting engaged.’
    ‘Let’s not talk about this now.’
    ‘Why not?’
    ‘Because I’m nervous enough already about tonight.’
    ‘Why does talking about getting engaged make you nervous?’
    ‘Can you just stop it?’
    ‘Stop what?’
    ‘Look, we can’t get engaged that fast, all right? I mean, how’s that gonna look?’
    ‘Look to who? To Jake?’
    ‘To everybody.’
    ‘So you’re not even gonna tell him about us tonight?’
    ‘No. I mean, I don’t know. I mean, maybe, but—’ ‘But what?’
    Christina went through her jewelry box again and took out a pair of silver hoop earrings.
    ‘I’ll see how it goes.’ She held up the earrings to her lobes, looking in the mirror. ‘I mean, we don’t want to cause a whole big scene, right?’
    ‘He’s gonna find out about us eventually,’ Ryan said. ‘Why not just get it over with?’
    Christina made a face and put the earrings back, and then took out the pair of diamond studs that Jake had bought her.
    ‘Because,’ Christina said. ‘I mean, what’s the point in making him think that .. . or get angry about .. . I mean, I don’t want to hurt him - I just want to break up with him.’
    Christina put in the first stud.
    ‘You have to wear those earrings, huh?’
    Christina looked in the mirror.
    ‘What difference does it make which ones I wear?’
    ‘None, I guess.’
    ‘Fine.’ She removed the stud, then put the pair away and took out the hoop earrings. ‘You don’t want me to wear them, I won’t wear them.’
    ‘You can wear whatever you want.’
    ‘Can you stop getting so fucking angry at me?’
    Ryan shook his head and went toward the window, which looked out on the street. That drug-dealer kid was still riding up the block and back on his bicycle.
    ‘Look, I’m sorry, all right?’ Christina said. ‘I’m just scared, that’s all. I mean, this isn’t easy for me. Me and Jake’ve been together a long time and . . . Can’t we just stop fighting?’
    Ryan remained facing the window. The song had ended, and