Free My Story: Lady Jane Grey (My Royal Story) by Sue Reid Page B

when I talk to you. Whether I am merry, silent, speak, sew, sing, play, dance, study, I must do it so perfectly or else I am so cruelly taunted or threatened that I feel as if I am in hell. Do they wish to make me hate them? Nurse says it is for my sake they chastise me. I want to scream when anyone says that. But I know now it is not what she truly feels for today I heard her say to one of the maids: “My sweeting tries so hard to please. It hurts me to see it. They do not realize what a treasure they have.”
    “Aye,” her companion replied. “She is much put upon. I would not like one of mine to be in her place, for all the riches in Christendom.” There! It is not just me who feels that they are too harsh.

12 August 1550
Bradgate Park
    What can have come over me? I blush to think of the things I said to Master Ascham when he came to bid us farewell today. (He is going to join the Emperor’s service in Germany.) He found me at my books. “My lord and lady are hunting, sir,” I said. They had been promised a good day’s sport and nearly all the household had accompanied them.
    “It is a fine day for hunting,” he said smiling. He asked what I was reading.
    “Plato’s Phaedra ,” I said and showed him the page I had reached – where Plato finds courage to face his execution.
    He seemed astonished. “Would you not rather hunt?” he asked.
    “No! I would rather read Plato. He is my favourite writer.” I glanced out of the window. “They do not know what they miss,” I said. “And I would rather read than spend time in their company,” I could not help adding, bitterly. And then to my shame it all poured out. How harsh they were, how it was only at my books I found any happiness. Master Ascham was silent. Oh, why had I not kept my feelings to myself? He told me that my parents were proud of me. If only I could believe him.
    I feel sad to think that it may be a long time before we meet again but proud that he still wishes to write to me – in spite of my words. He even said so to my parents when they returned. Ha!

31 December 1550
Bradgate Park
    It is late and I am tired, but I had to write that it is finished at last, my translation of Bullinger’s thoughts on marriage. Nurse says I will spoil my eyes, spending so many nights writing by candlelight, but I was determined to finish it by New Year and I have had so little time to work at it. The famous scholar Dr Ulm sent me the work in Latin and I have translated part of it into Greek. Dr Aylmer hardly had to help me at all. I pray that Father will be pleased with it. It is my New Year’s gift to him. Father prizes learning greatly. So I cannot think of a better gift for him.

1 January 1551
Bradgate Park
    Presented Father with my New Year’s gift for him. He told me he was delighted with it and says to everyone what a clever daughter he has. The unexpected praise makes me happy and I am proud that I took so much care over it.

15 March 1551
Dorset Place
    The Lady Mary has come to town. The procession rode past our house on its way to Westminster. Fifty gentleman clad in black velvet rode in front of her. And behind rode around eighty ladies and gentlemen. All of them carried the rosary! That will make the Council choke on their dinner!
    The servants say it is all anyone talks about in the taverns. Such a show of strength must comfort those who cling to the old religion, but it will not comfort the King or Council. (It does not comfort me either.) How dare the Princess defy them so openly? The last time she came I heard she and Edward quarrelled so badly that they both burst into tears. There are rumours that she has even considered leaving the country, but she would lose her place in the succession if she did. It frightens me to think that one day Lady Mary might be queen. I pray that Edward will have ten children to prevent such a dreadful fate ever befalling our country.

25 March 1551
Dorset Place
    Sitting by the window, I can feel the spring