Free My Story: Lady Jane Grey (My Royal Story) by Sue Reid

she will tell the Lady Mary everything I said.
    What would the King say if he knew that his sister defied him? She knows it is forbidden to hear Mass. Mother does not seem to mind, or at least she keeps what she feels to herself. Father would be angry, but Father is away at Court and we await news of the Protector’s fate daily.
     
    Lady Mary has told me she prays daily for my soul. So she must know what I said in chapel. But it is me who should pray for her. She is the heretic – not me. She will burn in hell if she does not turn to the true faith.
    Father once told me that Mary held High Mass in her chapel on the day the new prayer book was first read in church. And if he knows that, so must the King. Maybe he allows it. She is his sister after all.

30 November 1549
Hunsdon
    Mother has taken me to task for my manner to the Princess. I must be more gracious, she says. I must remember that she is a Princess as well as my cousin. I must not stick out my chin in that obstinate way of mine. One day she may be queen. I muttered that she is a heretic and Mother slapped my cheek. She despairs of me, she said. How can she take me to Court if I will not behave myself? (I do not care.) “You are stubborn and unyielding, always so sure that you are right,” she said. “I fear for you, Jane. Indeed, I do.
    “Your cousin has a generous, forgiving nature. Do not test it too greatly,” she told me. I feel I have been given a warning.

Christmas 1549
Tilty
    Oh to be home at Bradgate. I am weary of travelling, of packing and unpacking. We are barely settled in one place when it is time to be off again. I have so little time for my studies, or even to write my journal.
    Now we are settled back at Tilty for Christmas. We will be a big family party and have much to rejoice us, Mother says. Before we left the Princess’s – and I am glad to write we did not stay there long – we learnt that Father had been made a privy councillor. He must stand high in the Earl’s esteem, my uncle said – as if he envied him. But I still cannot trust the Earl even though Father says he is a staunch Protestant and has stuffed the Council full of men who share our beliefs. I do not believe it. I do not think the Earl has any strong beliefs at all. He will do or say whatever will keep him close to the throne. It is what I suspect Mother wishes we would all do – which is probably why she and I will never see eye to eye. The Protector has not lost his head, but is still in the Tower. I wonder how long they will keep him there?
    I would be very afraid, if I were the Lady Mary. She will be hounded out of England, if she continues to say Mass, even in private.

10 February 1550
Dorset Place
    To Court, where I saw my cousin Edward again. As I curtsied to him, I expected him to smile. I expected that he would be pleased to see me, but if he was, he hid it well. Has he forgotten our friendship? Nurse says I must remember that he is the King and I his subject, and that he has a lot to occupy him, but I am sad. My parents cannot have noticed his coldness. They are as eager as ever to push me into his presence. This is not hard – for though Edward is even more carefully guarded than before, my father is one of the commanders appointed to protect his person.
    There is one person who Edward does seem pleased to see – the Earl of Warwick. He looks on him quite like a father. Warwick must have wormed his way into Edward’s favour, by fine words and false flattery. Everyone stands in awe of the Earl – even Father.
    I have one piece of good news. Elizabeth Tilney is at Court. She is as full of life and gossip as ever, and knows the names of all the handsome men. One, Robert Dudley, is soon to marry his sweetheart Amy Robsart. It is a love match, Elizabeth says. Her father is only a Norfolk gentleman but then he is only a fourth or fifth son. Elizabeth thinks Robert’s younger brother, Guildford, is handsome too. He would be, I said, if he did not look so