Free A 52-Hertz Whale by Bill Sommer

understand now what you were trying to do. Maybe in the future you could include language that indicates that some of the ideas presented are suggestions and not requirements. Ideals are wonderful, but when reality does not conform to them, as a parent I have to deal with the life I’m living in, if that makes sense. For example, I am an NP (nurse practitioner) and I am working a string of many nights in a row and I have found evidence that Michael has been having friends over in the evenings after I’ve left. He denies this, even though I am sure he is lying. I can try to take away certain privileges, but I can’t really ground him because I am often not there to enforce it.
    Could you keep an eye on him at practice and please report to me if you find that he is uncooperative or unfocused? It would be much appreciated.
    Thank you for your time,
    Harriet Jenkins
    From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: October 20, 2012 at 6:23 AM
Subject: RE: Michael
    Dear Harriet,
    Yes ma’am, I will keep an eye on him and let you know if I notice anything. He has seemed a little distracted at times lately, but so have many of the players now that their workload in class has increased.
    Thanks,
    Jack Olmstead
    From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: October 20, 2012 at 7:20 AM
Subject: RE: Job News
    Dear Darren—
    You had me worried when I didn’t hear from you. I thought you might have overdosed on sad love songs.
    Things here are fine, I guess. Sam’s back in school after a bout with mono, but he’s been doing the homework he missed for the past two weeks during our labs in Bio so we haven’t really gotten to talk. Someone has to make sure our experiments don’t spontaneously combust. Funny you should ask about Sophia Lucca. Her grandmother has been MIA and I’m down to a C in Italian; I think that she may have made a pilgrimage back to the Boot. Sophia, on the other hand . . . well, that’s a story. So here it goes.
    Last Saturday when I reported to work for my gig as the Abominable Snowman, I was feeling pretty shitty. The week had yielded a major setback for my cause. Several whales beached both on the coast of New England and across the pond in the UK I had to give myself a major pep talk as I suited up in the arcade’s back room, because at that point, I was pretty much disgusted with the entire human race, including myself. There I was, just like the British, who turned the beached fin whales into biofuel, chasing the Almighty Dollar instead of figuring out how to save a species. (Not that I make that much. My first Star Arcade paycheck was $40.72, which my mom made me use to buy a new fleece for school.)
    Anyway, as I pulled the yeti mask over my head, I realized that someone (maybe Chin Piercing, my supervisor?) had fixed the eye holes, bringing them to my height. What was he thinking? That I would actually enjoy getting to see people making fun of me in addition to just hearing it? As if to confirm my suspicion, Chin Piercing paused from counting money from the cash register long enough to smirk at me as I lumbered out to the curb with my sign.
    Within the first ten minutes of standing at my post, I saw at least five kids that I recognized. One kid flicked a wad of gum at me that stuck to my fur. His buddy practically had a seizure, he was laughing so hard. Another guy took my sign and wouldn’t give it back until I growled like Chewbacca. (Given that I’d never heard of a Chewbacca before, this, unfortunately, took some trial and error.)
    I felt like an A.S.S.—Abominable Snow Shit.
    That was the kind of day I was having when I encountered Sophia Lucca with one of her friends, Becky or Sara (all blondes look alike to me). I was sweating so hard, my hair was wet. And then Sophia’s like, “He’s kind of cute.” Sophia steps towards me and I can smell her—all flowery with a hint of