Free Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape by Friedman, Jaclyn Friedman, Jessica Valenti

teaching my dance-based exercise class called Funk Aerobics. In that class I got to shimmy and shake, and it was fun. I no longer teach aerobics, but I still attend dance-based fitness classes whenever I can. I don’t enjoy these classes because I’m flaunting my fabulousness for men; they are typically filled with sorority girls and middle-aged women trying to get their groove back. I have fun when I dance because I am enjoying my body, not putting it on display solely for someone else’s pleasure.
     
    You see, I’m not advocating that women ignore or hide their bodies. A woman’s feeling good about her body and learning to enjoy it can only help her in the journey toward a healthy and satisfying sexual life. So figure out what helps you reclaim your body and your sexiness, and do it. And in the meantime, I’ll try really hard to stop watching pro wrestling.
     
     
    If you want to read more about MEDIA MATTERS, try:
    • Invasion of Space by a Female BY COCO FUSCO
    • Trial by Media: Black Female Lasciviousness and the Question of Consent BY SAMHITA MUKHOPADHYAY
     
     
    If you want to read more about RACE RELATING, try:
    • Queering Black Female Heterosexuality BY KIMBERLY SPRINGER
    • When Sexual Autonomy Isn’t Enough: Sexual Violence Against Immigrant Women in the United States BY MIRIAM ZOILA PÉREZ
     
     
    If you want to read more about SEXUAL HEALING, try:
    • An Immodest Proposal BY HEATHER CORINNA
    • Sex Worth Fighting For BY ANASTASIA HIGGINBOTHAM
     

5
     
    How Do You Fuck a Fat Woman?
     
    BY KATE HARDING
     
     
     
    You should consider yourself lucky that some man finds a hideous troll like yourself rape-able.
     
     
    THAT’S AN ACTUAL COMMENT left on the blog of a friend of mine, in response to a post she wrote about being raped and nearly killed. Every feminist blogger with more than four readers has dealt with comments along these lines. There are certain people who feel it’s their sacred duty to inform us, again and again, that rape is a compliment. (Or, more precisely, “Rape is a compliment, you stupid whore.”) Rape is not a violent crime meant to control and dehumanize the victim, see; it’s evidence that you were just so dingdang attractive to some perfectly average guy, he couldn’t stop himself from fucking you, against your will, right then and there! He thought you were pretty! Why are you so upset?
     
    All in a day’s work for a feminist blogger, sadly—and when you’re a fat feminist blogger, it comes with a special bonus message: No one but a rapist would ever, ever want you. In this iteration of the “rape is a compliment” construct, our hypothetical rapist is no longer a perfectly average guy—because perfectly average guys aren’t driven to sexual incontinence by fat chicks. I mean, duh. No, the guy who would rape a fat chick is not only paying her a compliment, but doing her an enormous favor. He’s a fucking philanthropist, out there busting his ass to save fat girls everywhere from vaginal atrophy.
     
    You fat whores would be lucky to even get raped by someone. I hope you whiny cunts find your way on top of a pinball machine in the near future.
     
    Whoever raped you could have just waited at the exit of a bar at 3am and gotten it consensually without the beached whale-like “struggle” you probably gave.
     
    If any man would want to rape your gigantic ass, I’d be shocked.
     
    It’s tempting to dismiss the lowlife assholes who leave comments like that on feminist blogs as . . . well, lowlife assholes. As in, people beneath not only our contempt but also our notice. Problem is, these comments show up frequently enough that they’re clearly not just the isolated thoughts of a few vicious, delusional wackjobs. They’re part of a larger cultural narrative about female attractiveness in general, and fat women’s sexuality in particular.
     
    It starts here: Women’s first—if not only—job is to be attractive to men. Never mind straight women who