Free Winter Longing by Tricia Mills

I’d be inside.
    I looked at the distant mountains, their peaks reflecting the moon’s rays. I’d never be able to look at them again without thinking of Spencer. “I miss you,” I whispered as a slight breeze brushed past me, carrying my words toward the mountains.
    I sat at the wedding reception for our guidance counselor, the new Mrs. Schuler. “Here you go,” Spencer said as he handed me a paper saucer laden with cake, then a napkin imprinted with the Schulers’ names, the date of the wedding, and a Bible verse.
    I read the verse:
    “I found the one my heart loves.
    —Song of Solomon 3:4”
     
    I couldn’t help glancing up at Spencer and feeling the words of the verse reaching out toward him, wondering if he’d read it before handing me the napkin. When he caught my gaze and smiled, I imagined he could read my mind and liked what he saw there.

CHAPTER 10
     
    Dragging myself out of bed for school on Tuesday proved no easier than it had been on Monday. I’d sat outside last night for a long time, imagining that Spencer was still with me, holding me close as we watched the stars overhead in the massive, cloudless, Alaskan sky. By the time I heard my parents leaving the Kerrs’, I sighed and trudged inside, wishing I could stay in my imaginary world rather than the real one.
    Unable to sleep, I’d gone downstairs to Dad’s home office and stayed up late, catching up on homework. It was more for distraction than anything else, and now I was paying the price.
    My classmates still gave me the same pitiful looks this morning, but those expressions didn’t stop me as they had yesterday, because this time, I expected them. When I opened my locker, I glanced at Spencer’s smiling face and pressed my lips together as I felt the familiar pang in my chest. God, I missed him so much. When Lindsay hadn’t called last night, I’d caught myself reaching for the phone to call Spencer.
    Remembering he was gone had shredded me all over again.
    I hung out at my locker for a couple of minutes, hoping to see Lindsay, but she wasn’t among any of the faces milling around me. With a heavy heart, I dragged myself toward first period. When I passed the library, I noticed her sitting at a table next to the windows. I considered leaving her alone—letting her come to me when she was ready—but I wanted to get back to the way we were before as quickly as possible. I missed sharing all my feelings and thoughts with her.
    She glanced up as I approached her table, and a contrite look crossed her face.
    “Work late last night?” I asked.
    “Till closing. By the time I rode home, I was too tired to do anything but go to bed.”
    I slid into the chair opposite her. “You rode your bike home that late?”
    She didn’t really have to worry about being attacked by a human in Tundra, but a moose was a different story.
    “Car’s not running,” she said without looking up from her notebook.
    She sounded so distant, like she hadn’t shared long-held secrets with me just the afternoon before. I wondered if she was regretting that, but I didn’t have the courage to ask. I was afraid she’d say yes.
    I searched for something to say and considered telling her about how Jesse was acting around me, but I held it in. A new weight of sorrow settled on my shoulders, this time for the chasm that had opened between Linds and me. I hoped time would heal it, because I didn’t know how.
    “Okay, I’ll let you get back to work. See you in class.”
    She nodded but didn’t make eye contact.
    Throughout the morning, I tried to think of ways to mend our friendship. Eventually, it exhausted me and I let my mind wander. The fatigue finally won during English class, and I felt myself drifting off to sleep. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Spencer sitting in his chair. He was alive!
    I gasped, shaking myself from my trance. When I turned my head, Spencer’s chair sat as empty and forlorn as it’d been the day before. And all my classmates were