Free Have a New Kid by Friday by Kevin Leman Page A

wait to put your books on my first-day letter to parents as “Recommended Reads.” I’m also going to explain about the 3 pillars of Acceptance, Belonging, and Competence and about the difference between praise and encouragement. Your books will give me a way to talk to parents about difficult things during the school year—especially since I already know 2 of my 20 children were known as “difficult” in the nearby preschool. I have this sneaky little feeling I know where they got being “difficult” from.
    Tricia, Georgia
    My daughter called yesterday. She felt so stressed with her 5 children (ages 10, 6, 4, 3, and 3 months) and just needed some encouragement. Based on your principles, I shared with her all the things she was doing right and encouraged her to take the long view . . . and a nice, long bath when her husband got home.
    Harriet, California
    I’ve been divorced for 1½ years, and I have 2 young children. Because I felt so bad that they didn’t have a father, I was going out of my way to praise everything they did. Thanks for showing me the difference between praise and encouragement. From now on, I’m going to encourage my boys, not praise them. And I’m going to work hard on the ABCs instead of feeling guilty that I can’t provide everything for them.
    Janna, Arizona
    Your words about Acceptance, Belonging, and Competence hit home for me. I’ve always internalized the image of myself held up to me by other people during my childhood. I didn’t realize how much my permissive parenting had to do with the fact that I didn’t feel good about myself. The few times I could remember my parents being kind to me had to do with praise. But I was never encouraged. Now that I know the difference, I’m going to go out of my way to encourage my daughter. I’ve been doing it all wrong, but now I’m going to do it right. Hearing you speak was a huge step of healing in my own life . . . and the encouragement I needed to look forward!
    Marta, Alabama

Friday
    The Doc Is In . . . and It’s You
    It’s time to pull together your game plan.
    Your mantra: “I can’t wait for that kid to misbehave, because I’m ready to go to war.”
    For the past four days, we’ve been setting the stage for change in your home. You’ve done some evaluating each day about what you can do to kick-start that change. Today’s the day you pull your game plan together. Fun Day is just around the corner!
    But first let’s review the key principles, because knowing them is the key to your success in this venture.
    MONDAY
    In order for your child to know you mean business (and to keep you calm and rational):
    1. Say it once.
    2. Turn your back.
    3. Walk away.
    TUESDAY
    It’s all about the ABCs:
    1. Attitude
    2. Behavior
    3. Character
    You now understand where your child’s attitudes come from, and you’ve done a check in the mirror for your own attitude. You understand why it’s important to be aware of the purposive nature of your child’s behavior. You are determined to hold firm in directing your child’s character.
    You also have the 3 simple strategies for success firmly in your mind:
    1. Let reality be the teacher.
    2. Learn to respond rather than react.
    3. B doesn’t happen until A is completed.
    WEDNESDAY
    You’re taking the long view in this journey of parenting. You’ve evaluated what kind of parent you are:
    1. Permissive
    2. Authoritarian
    3. Authoritative or responsible
    You’ve evaluated how your parenting style influences the way your children respond to you. You are actively thinking of ways your Attitude, Behavior, and Character can be better balanced in regard to your children.
    You’ve decided to focus first on your relationship with your child, realizing that without relationship, any rules will not be effective.
    You’ve also decided not to make mountains out of molehills, and you’re strategizing which areas really are important ones to address (you’ll find the “Ask Dr. Leman” section