Free Have a New Kid by Friday by Kevin Leman Page B

helpful in this regard).
    THURSDAY
    You understand the difference between self-esteem (“feeling good” about yourself) and true self-worth. You’re evaluating how you can help your child develop the 3 pillars of self-worth:
    1. Acceptance
    2. Belonging
    3. Competence
    You’re determined to move from praise (focusing on how “good” a person is) to encouragement (focusing on an action).
    Okay, got all that in mind?
    What’s Your Game Plan?
    Today’s the day you decide to go for it. You’re going to launch your action plan on your unsuspecting children. Remember, there are no warnings, no threats, no explanations—only action and follow-through. Above all, there’s no backing down, no caving in. Your child needs to know you mean business, or you won’t accomplish anything. If it takes you longer than a week to change your child’s Attitude, Behavior, and Character, then you need to revisit these key principles. Children who have been allowed to have their own way for a while can be extremely powerful. But look at it this way: if your teenager doesn’t change, he’ll have the most boring teenage years on record because he won’t be able to do anything. Remember, B doesn’t happen until A is completed. Not even a powerful child can hold out for long under such a principle. No matter what, the family comes first. So if there’s a problem at home, you don’t look at life outside the home until the problem is solved.
    Now is not the time to back down, sodon’t be a spineless jellyfish. Stand up and be a parent.

    Will it be easy? No. There are days, and then there are days . You know what I mean. When you start applying these principles, your child’s behavior is probably going to get worse . . . for a time. It’s a little like fishing in a creek. When you hook a game fish, it will try to throw the hook out of its mouth by leaving the water and thrashing back and forth. Youcan expect that “fish out of water” syndrome with your children too. They’ll come thrashing wildly out of the water and be very ticked.
    However, if you talk to a fisherman, he’ll tell you that in order to land the fish, you’ve got to keep tension on the line. You don’t give that fish any slack. If you give it slack, not only will it jump out of the water, but it will scrape its jaw against the bottom of the creek to try to get rid of the hook. To catch that fish, you have to keep the line consistently taut. If you suddenly drop the pole toward the water, you’ve developed slack in the line, and you give the fish the opportunity to get off. Then it’ll be pretty tough to catch that fish again.
    The good news is, if your child is thrashing as he comes out of the water, you’ll know you’re on the right track.
    What’s Up, Doc?
    Now you get to play the shrink. Think about a situation that’s currently going on in your home. Ask and answer the following questions as if you’re the doctor in the house.

    1. What’s the situation?
    2. How would you diagnose it?
    3. What’s the purposive nature of the behavior?
    4. How do you feel about the behavior?
    5. What would you normally do? Think it through.
    6. Now what would you do differently? Whose problem is it? Have you left the ball in the child’s court, or are you attempting to dribble it yourself?
    Consistency Wins Every Time
    Remember that your child’s behavior serves a purpose in his life. It draws your attention to him and provides a power base for him (“I’m going to show you”). As your child grows more powerful, his contempt for you will grow. After all, if he can control you, why respect you? You’re not the authority figure any longer.
    That’s why it’s so important to realize that your child is mis-behaving for a reason. More than anything else, she needs a relationship with you. Consistency in your Attitude, Behavior, and Character breeds contentment in your child, whether she is 3, 13, or 23. She can know that the rules won’t change based on your moods