Free Between Black and Sunshine by Haven Francis Page B

breakfast.
    It smells so good I think about eating one myself but instead I sit back and watch her devour every last bit of it, felling satisfied with myself for feeding her.
    “Thank you,” she says when she’s done. “That was amazing.”
    “What now?” I ask, taking her plate and throwing it in the sink. “Back to bed? Tour of Portland? What you want to do, sweet girl?”
    “I want to go back to bed. But I should get back to the dorm. I have my orientation at eleven o’clock, correct?”
    Shit . I don’t want her to go. I don’t want her to have to do anything but exist between my arms. “Yeah, you do. Why don’t you shower then I’ll take you home.”
    “It’s okay,” she says, standing and turning for the hall. “I’ll shower there. I need to figure this out, right? I live in a dormitory. Can’t stay in Lucatopia forever. Have to learn to live like the common people.”
    “You can come back and visit whenever you want,” I tell her.
    “Promise?”
    “Yeah,” I say, going to her and rubbing my hand gently over her back. “Listen, I figure you haven’t looked at your back. It’s bad, baby. Shower in your dorm if you want, but cover yourself up. I know you don’t want to be answering questions from that girl.”
    “I know it’s bad. I can feel it,” she admits. “You have to stop worrying about me. I don’t just want to be the girl you take care of- the girl you have to protect. I want to be the girl you love, the girl who can love you back. I want you to bite me and suck me. I want you with me the way you want to be with me. The way I want you with me. I’m not gonna break. I’m not a little girl.”
    “I know that. I’m capable of breaking full-grown men.”
    She tilts her head and locks onto my eyes, hers narrowing with question. She never pushes me. She seems to avoid the obvious questions. “Work on that.”

Chapter Eleven - Luca
     
    I couldn’t stand being in my Jude-less room. It felt wrong without her which is ass considering that out to the seven hundred plus days I’ve spent in that room, she’s only been there once. But I could feel here there, I could smell her. I can’t get her body out of my mind – the really good parts and the really bad parts. They are both reasons why I don’t know if I can stay away from her.
    I spent the day in the garage with Anthony, building a new coffee table to replace the victim of my experimental lost boy and I feel better. Better’s not the word. Jude hasn’t called at all. I’ve resorted to texting which I absolutely hate. Although Jude doesn’t use those stupid sentences reduced to letters like omg, lol, ttyl or any of that shit. Would have taken anything today though. She gave me the bare minimum in response to my typed comments and questions… orientation blew but I know where my classes are… yeah, back at the dorm, trying to maintain… Everything’s good. Stephanie can quit asking about you though… No, I can’t come. Game night at the dorm!!!!  I know she’s trying to fit into her new life in the dorm and she should; she has to live with these people, share a bathroom with them, for a year. I’m surprised though. The old Jude wouldn’t have made an effort. I asked her to go to dinner and hang with me tonight but she blew me off for game night. The old Jude wouldn’t have done that.
    I never lived in the dorm; I knew I wouldn’t be able to survive communal living, RA’s and all the other bullshit. I found an apartment on Craigslist that was written in a sarcastic and pissed off way, as if the wantee didn’t actually want at all. I’ve been living here ever since. Rake was the pissed off advertisee. We’ve been through a few different third and fourth roommates but Anthony’s been here since shortly after I moved in. I met him in one of my graphics classes and when he got kicked out of the dorm for being written-up one too many times he found a home with us. Miles was his weed dealer and after a bad break-up