Free Both of Us by Ryan O'Neal Page A

hopeful that this will be my comeback vehicle. And like any man, when things are going well at work, the benefits are also manifest at home, especially in the bedroom.
    But back to
Fever Pitch
. I enjoy working with Brooks, though I don’t always like the way he treats his crew. It can become easy for actors and directors to take for granted the valuable contributions of these men and women to the moviemaking process, and I’ve always tried to give crew members the respect they deserve. When the fine actor Christian Bale went off on a rant recently against one of the crew during the shoot for
Terminator
, and it went viral over the Internet, for once I was grateful to TMZ and Radar Online for giving Bale, and every other actor who was shocked by all the adverse media coverage, a lesson in humility.
    I’ve had more than my share of those, one of which will come with the release of
Fever Pitch
. It will make my disappointment over
Irreconcilable Differences
seem silly by comparison. Though I don’t know it then, Brooks’s final film will earn less than six hundred thousand dollars and be nominated for four Razzie Awards, including Worst Picture. The Razzies, which are handed out the same week as the Oscars, are meant to be in good fun, an example of Hollywood’s winking at itself, and at the time, I, too, laugh it off, thinking,
Well, at least we’re in good company
. Stallone sweeps the Razzies with
First Blood II
and
Rocky IV
. Overthe next several years, these disappointments will have a corrosive effect on Farrah and me.
    JOURNAL ENTRY, OCTOBER 10, 1984
    The baby just kicked for the first time. I massage my darling’s shoulders until she falls asleep.
    Farrah visits me on location for
Fever Pitch
in Las Vegas. She’s just been featured on the covers of
People
and
Us
magazines for
The Burning Bed
. Farrah is so fit that except for her tiny baby bump, which she can easily camouflage, you’d never know she was six months pregnant. During the photo shoot for
People
, she doesn’t say anything about being pregnant. They find out after the issue hits the stands and are furious. Eager to take advantage of their competitor’s oversight,
Us
immediately runs another cover story on Farrah; only this one is about the pregnancy. I’m bemused by it all. Farrah and I are getting used to this roller-coaster ride with the press. Sometimes we feel like hostages at an amusement park.
    Tatum slides in for a visit. The princess of diminishing has returned. I get the feeling that my daughter will never trust men. One moment she’s sitting with Farrah discussing baby names; the next she’s telling Farrah that I’m going to throw her away when I grow tired of her, the same way I did all the other women in my life. Farrah considers the source and isn’t worried, but I am. With Farrah pregnant, the lastthing I want is a confrontation between these two. While they never actually fight, on set I’m distracted, concerned about them spending time together. I thought Tatum’s first serious relationship would change all that. I know now her wounds were much deeper and more complex than any of us understood. But back then she didn’t seem moodier than any postadolescent woman in love with a bad boy. Little did I know that John McEnroe would aggravate those wounds.
    Fever Pitch
wraps the week after Thanksgiving. Upon our return to LA, Barbara Walters interviews Farrah for one of her ABC evening specials. She’s in her ninth month and positively radiant on camera. I’m often asked why Barbara didn’t interview Farrah and me as a couple. I suspect the idea made the network queasy with Farrah so obviously pregnant and our not being married. Today I see news stories about expectant celebrity couples, and no one seems to care about their marital status. Maybe they should. Farrah and I were lucky. We were never overtly criticized for having a child without benefit of clergy. We never hired a publicist to handle the story of her pregnancy. We