Free Zombie Lover by Piers Anthony

impossible to win." She quailed inwardly as she said it. But since she was messing up on the theoretically winnable game, maybe she would luck out and win this one. It wasn't much of a hope, but what else was there? "It's called that because it tends to expand and contract, like an accordion." She paused. "Do you know what an accordion is?"
     
    56       PIERS ANTHONY
     
    "No,'1 Terian said.
     
    "It's a musical instrument that you pump like a bellows. Do you know what a bellows is?"
     
    "Yes."
     
    Breanna was learning caution. "What is your definition?"
     
    "A person who shouts loudly."
     
    Just so. "There is another type of bellows: a device that pumps air by flexing in and out. It's used in Mundania."
     
    Terian nodded. "Secondary definition noted."
     
    "And the accordion has a keyboard on one side, and harmony notes on the other side, and—well, it doesn't matter. Deal out the cards face up, a row of about six, face up."
     
    "About six?" Terian asked. "Surely it must be exactly six."
     
    "Not according to fuzzy logic. Uh, do you know—"
     
    "There is a colony of warm fuzzies nearby. They are not known for their logical abilities."
     
    Breanna decided to avoid further analogies. "Never mind. What I mean is that you can deal out four five, six, seven, eight, or any number; it doesn't have to be six. That's just for convenience."
     
    "A span of four to eight cards when inconvenient," Terian said, getting it straight.
     
    Breanna let that pass. "Now you play by matching up the cards by suit or number, the first or third from the right." Terian looked blank, so she moved right on into a demonstration. "Deal the cards;
     
    I'll show you."
     
    Terian dealt six cards: The Queen of Hearts, Two of Diamonds, Nine of Clubs, Six of Clubs, Ten of Spades, and Ace of Spades.
     
    QV 24 9* 6* 10A AA
     
    "Now see, you can put the six of clubs on the nine of clubs, because the suits match and the nine is right next on the left," Breanna said. She paused. When nothing happened she said, "Put the six on the nine." She kept forgetting how literally these folk took things. "And put the Ace on the ten. Now you have four piles and four suits; you can't do any more. So now deal out another card on the right."
     
    The next card was the Two of Hearts.
     
    QV 24 6* A* 2V
     
    "Now this is nice, because you can close it up some more. Put the Two of Hearts on the Two of Diamonds, because the numbers match
     
    ZOMBIE LOVER        57
     
    and the diamond is the third card to the left; remember, you can match either the first or third."
     
    "I remember." Terian said. She moved the card.
     
    ' 'Now you can match the two hearts, because they are next to each other. Do it. Move the whole pile; the buried cards no longer count."
     
    Terian did it.
     
    2V 6* AA
     
    "So you see, we have boiled seven piles of cards down to three. Now deal out some more cards."
     
    "How many cards?"
     
    Breanna tried not to roll her eyes. "Three more."
     
    Terian dealt out the Four of Diamonds, Jack of Spades, and Eight of Diamonds.
     
    "See, now the accordion is expanding again. We don't do anything. Deal a couple more."
     
    Terian dealt the Three of Hearts and Seven of Diamonds.
     
    2V 6* A* 44 JA 84 3V 74
     
    "See, still nothing. I hate it when they alternate like that. Sometimes I wind up with half the deck spread out. Anyway, the object is to finish with all the cards in a single pile. Two piles is a very good score, three or four piles is still credible, and beyond that is pretty much of a washout." She grimaced. "I wash out a lot."
     
    They played the game on through, and sure enough, finished with nine piles of cards. They played again, and finished with five piles. A third game was fifteen piles.
     
    Breanna was about ready to tear her hair, but refrained, because it was really nice hair. "Look, I can't seem to win a game for love nor money, and I need to get on my way. Is there any other way I can get that zombie-no-see