Free November by David Mamet Page A

“he’s screwed me …? (
To phone
) What do I mean, Barry? I’m looking at the time buys …(
Pause
) Well, whose decision was that, Barry? “The committee?” Yeah, no, yes, that’s peachy, Barry. With the possible exception, YOU ARE THE COMMITTEE. Barry? You … (
Pause
) Well, who the fuck is the Committee, if not you? ( ARCHER
hands
CHARLES
a list
.) Three spots in Cleveland, two in Minneap … FOR THE WEEK? FOR THE WHOLE FUCKEN WWWW … WHY DON’T I JUST GO OUT AND GET CLOWN SHOES, ’N’ PUT A RED RUBBERBALL ON MY NOSE, BE … be … because I want to: Fuck that, Barry, because I’m gonna tell you, no I’m gonna tell you why, and you can jolly well sit there. BECAUSE MY FUCKEN QUESTION TO YOU IS A SPEECH THAT YOU, and your fucken shooting party made to me out hunting quail in Bavaria, when someone turned to me and he said, “Chucky, have you read
The Three Musk
…” Well, it doesn’t sound like you’re … No, it doesn’t sound like you remember, Barry, when someone asked me: “All for one and one for all.” You remember that? And all your tame Krauts, and lifting the import tariffs, and “This is our man,” and all that happy horseshit … I DON’T
WANT
a … I DON’T … WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO WITH A TIME-SHARE IN
ASPEN
? I want to be president … (
Pause. To
ARCHER ) “The hat is empty, there are no more rabbits in it.” (
To phone
) Is this the man I knew? In the snow? In New Hampshire? BARRY, who ruined his fucken shoes going from door to door? Is this the same man? (
Pause
) Well, in what way is he different? (
Pause
) What does that mean? What does that mean? “A good one to lose”? You know who thinks that way? Losers. (
Pause
) Let’s move on. Tell me about the library. Well: Oh, okay. Good. “We have a fund.” How much money do we have in my library fund … (
Pause
) Million. (
Pause
) Thousand? (
Pause
) Four thousand dollars? (
Pause
) I CAN’T GO HOME WITHOUT A LIBRARY FOR CATHY … You know that … I should of thought of that when I invaded where? When
I
invaded where? Barr …? Barry, that was your idea … The fuck it was. The fuck it was. The fuck it was, Bar, YES I FUCKEN MIND IFYOU PUT ME ON HOLD… ! I am the President of the United States! (
To
ARCHER ) Where is he? In Nantucket? (
To phone
) Where are you, on Nantucket? HOW ABOUT I GIVE AWAY half of the island to the Micmacs to build their hotel casino. Yes, I can. Yes, I … Yes, I can, Barry. Well, what are you going to do to me? (
Pause
) That record was expunged, (
Pause
) That record was expunged, and the statute of limitations … (Pause) Well, who’s to say what’s perjury? (
Pause. To
ARCHER ) His friend the special prosecutor. (
Pause. To phone
) Yeah. All r … yeah. All r … All right … Barry. (
Pause
) And give my best to Ginny. (
Pause; hangs up
)
    ARCHER: “Life goes on”?
    CHARLES: (
Pause
) He was gonna put me on “hold.”
    ARCHER: Everybody goes home sometime, Chucky … (
Pause
.)
    CHARLES: Couldn’t we make it rain or something, just to keep the other guys from voting? The other guys stop voting the incumbent wins, isn’ that the rule? Can’t we oh, you know, just make it rain …?
    ARCHER: We don’t have that technology.
    CHARLES: In some secret, uh uh …
    ARCHER: No.
    CHARLES: “Facility,” or something.
    ARCHER: No.
    CHARLES: The panic level: raise the panic level!
    ARCHER: Nobody cares.
    CHARLES: They don’t care about the panic level?
    ARCHER: No.
    CHARLES: After all our work?
    ARCHER: Nobody cares. They hate you. Everybody hates you, and you’re out of cash. Go home.
    CHARLES: I would hate to think. That the people were deprived of a choice. Because one side … simply ran out of cash.
    ARCHER: That’s the American way.
    CHARLES: Well, that makes me throw up. ( ARCHER
hands him a piece of paper
.) What is this?
    ARCHER: Today’s off-the-cuff remarks.
    CHARLES: Can’t they stick that thing in my ear?
    ARCHER: The last one got