Free Batman 2 - Batman Returns by Craig Shaw Gardner Page B

She was rather attractive under that suit. And he would certainly like to get under that suit. Her smile turned to a grimace as she touched his flippers. It was, The Penguin guessed, just that special way he had with women.
    “Our research tells us that voters like fingers,” Jen explained as she slipped on the deep black material.
    The Penguin frowned at his new gloves. Still, if women liked fingers rather than flippers—
    That Josh person, in the meantime, was fingering The Penguin’s coat. Now what was this guy’s problem? Sure The Penguin’s clothes were worn, certainly they were tattered, and perhaps the fabric had stood so much use that it had turned a bit shiny, but as far as The Penguin was concerned, these clothes were a part of him.
    “Not a lot of reflective surfaces down in that sewer, huh?” Josh remarked.
    Reflective surfaces? Oh, he meant mirrors. Jen laughed. The Penguin liked the way she laughed. He laughed, too. All the people around them started to laugh as well.
    “Still,” The Penguin remarked, “it could be worse. My nose could be gushing blood.”
    Josh frowned at that. “Your nose could? What do you mean?”
    So The Penguin bit him, quickly, viciously, right on the nose. Make fun of him, would they? Well, the penguins who had raised him had shown him a trick or two!
    “Enough!” Max called, pulling the two combatants apart. “Everyone—”
    He waved them all back to work as Josh fainted to the floor. The fellow had no stamina at all. Max would have to get a better grade of consultant than that to keep up with The Penguin!
    Max led the short man in black over to a quiet corner.
    “You’re right,” Max admitted when they could not be overheard. “We missed the regularly scheduled election. But elected officials can be recalled, impeached, given the boot! Think of Nixon, Meachem, Barry—” He paused, and pointed to the great banner overhead. “Then think of you, Oswald Cobblepot, filling the void.”
    But Oswald Cobblepot was still watching Jen. “I’d like to fill her void,” he murmured.
    “We need signatures,” Max insisted. “To overturn the ballot. I can supply those, Oswald.”
    “Teach her my ‘French flipper’ trick,” The Penguin continued. It was amazing, the wonderful things you could learn while working for the circus.
    “Oswald,” Max persevered. “We need one more thing.”
    The Penguin blinked. Oh, yes. The Mayor’s office; that’s what they were talking about, wasn’t it?
    “A platform?” he suggested. “Let me see. ‘Stop Global Warming! Start Global Cooling!’ Make the world a giant icebox—”
    “That’s fine, Oswald,” Max agreed all too readily. “But to get the mayor recalled, we still need a catalyst, a trigger, an incident.”
    Yeah, The Penguin thought, mayor. Now that he had gotten used to the idea, he really liked it. He could hear them now.
    “You’re doing great, Mayor Cobblepot,” he said aloud. Yeah. He liked the sound of that. And more than that. “Your table is ready, Mayor Cobblepot.” And how about women? Women like Jen? Hey, once he was mayor, he would have his pick of women! “I need you, Oswald. I need you now. That’s the biggest parasol I’ve ever—”
    “Like the Reichstag fire,” Max continued urgently. “The Gulf of Tonkin.”
    What was Max saying? Perhaps that The Penguin wasn’t mayor quite yet. Okay, he would accept that. After all, he used to do twelve shows a day; he could handle anything.
    But there was work to do. Dirty work. And The Penguin knew just who could do it.
    “Ah,” he suggested. “You want my old friends upstairs to drive the mayor into a foaming frenzy.”
    Max grinned at that.
    “Precisely,” he agreed. “But they must always come and go via the plumbing ducts that I’ve provided.”
    Then Max was suggesting secret sabotage?
    “Sounds like fun,” The Penguin agreed. “But I—”
    He hesitated. This was all happening so fast, he had almost forgotten his true purpose.
    Max