Free One Fine Day in the Middle of the Night by Christopher Brookmyre Page A

oor school. Heidin’ fitbas must have knackered your memory.’
    ‘Ach, pish. I can mind as much as you. Wait a minute. I know who Gavin Hutchison is noo. Wasnae he the guy that knocked himsel’ oot playin’ tig wance, when he ran intae thon big pillar?’
    ‘Naw. That was me, ya daft cunt.’
    ‘Well, was he the wan that got stung wi’ a deid wasp in the art class, pickin’ it up?’
    ‘Naw. That was me as well. You’re takin’ the piss, ya fuckin’ prick.’
    ‘Hing on. I’ve got it. Was he the wan that got a doin’ aff Davie Murdoch?’
    ‘Noo you’re
really
takin’ the piss. Every cunt got a doin’ aff Davie Murdoch. I ’hink the Pope probably got his baws booted aff Davie when he came tae Bellahouston Park.’
    ‘Well, in that case, as I says, I don’t mind him at aw.’
    ‘Actually, noo I come tae think of it, I’m no’ sure I mind him masel’. I thought that was him wi’ the Hound Henderson cairry‐
on but it wasnae. An’ I thought mibbe it was him that spewed his ring in RE, mind, like the fuckin’
Exorcist
, but that was Ally McQuade. Fuck. Total blank.’
    ‘Tell’t you you were as bad as me.’
    ‘What the fuck, but. Free pairty. We’ll mibbe recognise him when we see him.’
    ‘Either that or we’ll just have tae kid on. “Awright, Gavin? Howzitgaun? No seen you for dunkey’s. Whit? You don’t remember us? Whit kinna pal are you, ya cunt?”’
    ‘You’ve some brass neck, Charlie my man. You don’t remember anybody. I’m surprised you remember me.’
    ‘Come aff it. I remembered Davie Murdoch, didn’t I?’
    ‘
Everybody
remembers Davie Murdoch. Same as Matt Black. Hard tae forget when they’re in the newspapers aw the time.’
    ‘D’you reckon it’s true aboot aul’ Dilithium, then, Eddie?’
    ‘Whit?’
    ‘Aboot him turnin’ ower a new leaf? Renouncin’ violence, becomin’ a painter an’ aw that?’
    ‘Fuck knows. Everybody changes, I suppose. I mean look, there’ Ally McQuade five seats doon, bein’ dead pally wi’ auld Mrs Laurence. He was a cheeky wee shite, used tae make her life a misery.’
    ‘He’s still a cheeky wee shite.’
    ‘Aye, but you know whit I mean. Davie was awright sometimes. I sat next tae him in Geography in second year. We’d a laugh noo and again.’
    ‘Whit are you talkin’ aboot, Eddie? Davie leathered you in Geography in second year. Dished you wi’ that big atlas.’
    ‘Aye, right enough. But still. He must have reformed or they’d never have let him oot, would they? An’ sure there’s that story aboot when he was released. Deek Patterson’s brother, Panda, attacked him ootside the jile an’ he never fought back. Just stood there an’ took it until the polis pulled Panda aff.’
    ‘Aye, I remember hearin’ aboot that masel’, Ed. Still, if Davie turns up tonight, I don’t see anybody puttin’ it tae the test by tryin’ tae settle any scores, do you?’
    ‘Well, I never cried him Dilithium Davie tae his face back then, so I’m no startin’ noo. He might have a flashback. A fuckin’ “regression”, know?’
    ‘Naw, I wouldnae worry, Eddie. On the off‐
chance that he’s actually there, if Davie went mental again, it’s odds‐
on it would be Kenny Collins that got the doin’. His mooth was aye writin’ cheques his arse couldnae cash.’
    ‘Him or Ally McQuade.’
    ‘Naw, at least Ally was funny. Kenny was just ignorant. Horrible wee bastard, so he was. Sneaky as well. No redeemin’ features. Face you could punch aw night.’
    ‘Shoosh. Keep your voice doon or he’ll come back up here again. I thought he was gaunny sit doon beside us earlier. I couldnae have handled him aw the way up the road.’
    ‘Aye, you’re right there, Eddie. My heart sank when I saw him gettin’ on the bus. I suppose that’s whit you’re signin’ up for, though, goin’ tae a thing like this. The drink might be free, but you’re still payin’ a high price puttin’ up wi’ some of the company.’
    ‘Still,