Free Satan Burger by Iii Carlton Mellick Page A

sleepy land, you should sleep next to someone who snores or rolls around a lot.  Actually, it’s better not to go at all.

    We see a BIG sign ahead:
    "SATAN BURGER: THE NEW FAMILY RESTAURANTE."
    The street is no brighter than before, but now it’s grayed misty.  An early post-rain morning, cold and calm, the whole city asleep.  Well, besides one car and one business.  It’s still around 3:00 a.m. on an Erdaday - the eighth day of the week.
    They created the eight-day week about ten years ago.  Erdaday was put between Saturday and Sunday, to break up the alliteration, kind of like how Wednesday breaks up Tuesday and Thursday.  Erdaday means Earth Day.  It was invented by TES - The Environmentalist Society - who thought that we were messing the planet up much-much more than we were cleaning it.  So they thought that everyone should clean up Earth for one day out of every week.  It was a BIG hit with the American population, because people would have three-day weekends instead of just two.  Mostly everyone just looked at it as a day off, even though it was meant to have a purpose.  It’s just like how Sabbath Day was meant for church-going, but not too many people went to church.  Most people called Sabbath day Hangover Day and instead of going to church they would spend their time drinking a lot of bloody marys stepping over newspapers in their underwear.  Now, there are no more church-goers and there are no more environmentalists, so every weekend day is Hangover Day.
    I don’t know why Christians used Sunday as the day of Sabbath and Jews used Saturday (though Saturday is the last day of the week and makes more sense).  I think Christians made Sunday the Sabbath because God and the sun are - more or less - the same entity. 
    Christians made Monday the first day of the week. Monday means Moon Day.  Tuesday comes next.  It means War Day, named after Tiw, a god of Germanic mythology.  Wednesday was also named after a god - Woden, the chief god.  Thursday is Thunder Day.  Friday is Love Day, named after Fria, Goddess of Love.  And Saturday is Saturn Day.
    A while back, somebody explained that having an eight-day week would be sacrilegious, but these days one person can’t make a difference.  Hell, a whole barnyard full of people can’t make a difference.

    As we pull into the Satan Burger parking zone at the bottom of a hill, we see a chair holding a sign that reads. "GRAND OPENING," and a ceiling fan that promotes, "TWO SATAN BURGERS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE."
    Satan Burger is at the top of the hill - a jagged steep prick with blackened earth and a step-path seven minutes long.  The drive-thru is a lift that pulls your car up the side of the rock face to a pay window.  I can see the lift rocking about way up there, and there’s a menu on it so you can decide what deep-fried burger you want before you reach the top.
    We can’t see much from here, so I use my God’s eyes to climb up the steps.  I see that it is a white building with the red letters S and B established on the rooftop.  It doesn’t seem different than any other fast food chain, aside from the fact that Satan himself is the owner/manager and not to mention the strange vegetation that grows on the top of the hill.
    The vegetation looks like a forest of black thorn-weeds, tall as trees, wrinkled and crawling like vines, squirreling and generating small scratchy-twitter sounds.  The plant leaks a red liquid that people are supposed to believe is blood, so it appears like an evil place.  Maybe they are man-eater trees that came out of the walm, or maybe Satan brought them from hell. We keep away from them, in any case.  No telling what they are capable of.
    Richard Stein said that Satan was kicked out of Heaven for being a snob.  He thought he was the best angel up there, because God loved him the best.  And when God decided to love something else (Child Earth) Satan had a hissy fit and called God a chum-chum, which was considered an