people tomorrow & this continued for just 10 days—you’d reach 3,486,784,401.
U pper crust . . . lot . . . old crumbs held together by dough.
T o err is human—it takes a computer to really louse things up.
M any foxes grow grey but few grow good.
W orst wheel on the wagon makes the most noise.
A n empty bag cannot stand upright.
C ould say horse in 9 langs. but bought a cow to ride on.
T ricks are the prac. of fools who haven’t the wit to be honest.
H e who scatters thorns should not go barefoot.
C onfidence—what you start out with before . . . understand . . . situation.
N ewest thing in women’s hairdos is men.
S ome people are so addicted to exaggeration they can’t tell the truth without lying.
H usband: “In our 6 yrs. marriage we haven’t been able to agree on anything.” Wife: “It’s been 7 yrs., dear.”
I nflation—changed . . . pumpernickel bread to pumperdime.
T here is a noble forgetfulness—that which does not remember injuries.
V oltaire: “In general the art of govt. consists of taking as much money as poss. from one class of citizens to give to the other.”
W e are all aware that “moderation” is a good rule for health—exercise moderately, eat the same way—drink in moderation but moderation should be taken in moderation. For example—should a man be moderately faithful to wife? How about your banker—is he moderately honest? That school bus driver—moderately good driver? Somehow I hope the plane I take to L.A. is more than moderately safe. How about in the operating room—the man with the scalpel in his hand—does he have a moderately good record of success with this type of op.? Have you met your son’s fiancée—she insists she’s a moderately virtuous young woman.
W e all want our sons to have all the things we never had when we were their age—especially a report card with a lot of “A”s.
L ady Driver: The thing I dislike about parking is the noisy crash.
L atest from Moscow—someone just broke into the Kremlin and stole next year’s election results.
S ome people are so indecisive their favorite color is plaid.
N ews Item: Rep. Mario Briggs’ used . . . Cong. Rec. for a glowing testimonial to his N.Y. colleague Frank Brasco. Heaping praise on Brasco that his fellow Dem. had decided to retire. He didn’t mention that Brasco will be sentenced to Fed. prison this month for bribery.
C onscience is that still small voice that tells you when you are about to get caught.
F ishing is something you should do yesterday when they were biting.
Man at testimonial dinner: 47 years ago I walked into this town with my earthly possessions tied in a red bandana on a stick. This town has been good to me—I’m on the board of the bank, own 2 apt. buildings & an office building and have branch businesses in 39 cities.
Little boy: Sir, what was in that bandana 47 years ago?
Man: $300,000 cash.
Y ou know why it’s called horse sense—they don’t bet on people.
T echnology—what makes it take less time to cross the ocean & longer to drive to work.
O ld fellow: Yep I’m 94 and haven’t got an enemy in the world—last one petered out about a yr. ago.
A sk an atheist who’s just had a great meal if he believes there’s a cook.
I f all the cans in the world were placed end to end some dope would pull out & try to pass them.
A protest march is like a tantrum only better organized.
T he trouble with staying home from work is that you have to drink coffee on your own time.
B eware of those who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug.
S ome people want to check govt. spending & some people want to spend govt. checks.
T oday if someone offered us the world on a silver platter most of us would take the platter.
M oney may not buy friends but it will help you to stay in contact with your children.
A s long as there are final exams there will be prayer in schools.
F lattery
U pper crust . . . lot . . . old crumbs held together by dough.
T o err is human—it takes a computer to really louse things up.
M any foxes grow grey but few grow good.
W orst wheel on the wagon makes the most noise.
A n empty bag cannot stand upright.
C ould say horse in 9 langs. but bought a cow to ride on.
T ricks are the prac. of fools who haven’t the wit to be honest.
H e who scatters thorns should not go barefoot.
C onfidence—what you start out with before . . . understand . . . situation.
N ewest thing in women’s hairdos is men.
S ome people are so addicted to exaggeration they can’t tell the truth without lying.
H usband: “In our 6 yrs. marriage we haven’t been able to agree on anything.” Wife: “It’s been 7 yrs., dear.”
I nflation—changed . . . pumpernickel bread to pumperdime.
T here is a noble forgetfulness—that which does not remember injuries.
V oltaire: “In general the art of govt. consists of taking as much money as poss. from one class of citizens to give to the other.”
W e are all aware that “moderation” is a good rule for health—exercise moderately, eat the same way—drink in moderation but moderation should be taken in moderation. For example—should a man be moderately faithful to wife? How about your banker—is he moderately honest? That school bus driver—moderately good driver? Somehow I hope the plane I take to L.A. is more than moderately safe. How about in the operating room—the man with the scalpel in his hand—does he have a moderately good record of success with this type of op.? Have you met your son’s fiancée—she insists she’s a moderately virtuous young woman.
W e all want our sons to have all the things we never had when we were their age—especially a report card with a lot of “A”s.
L ady Driver: The thing I dislike about parking is the noisy crash.
L atest from Moscow—someone just broke into the Kremlin and stole next year’s election results.
S ome people are so indecisive their favorite color is plaid.
N ews Item: Rep. Mario Briggs’ used . . . Cong. Rec. for a glowing testimonial to his N.Y. colleague Frank Brasco. Heaping praise on Brasco that his fellow Dem. had decided to retire. He didn’t mention that Brasco will be sentenced to Fed. prison this month for bribery.
C onscience is that still small voice that tells you when you are about to get caught.
F ishing is something you should do yesterday when they were biting.
Man at testimonial dinner: 47 years ago I walked into this town with my earthly possessions tied in a red bandana on a stick. This town has been good to me—I’m on the board of the bank, own 2 apt. buildings & an office building and have branch businesses in 39 cities.
Little boy: Sir, what was in that bandana 47 years ago?
Man: $300,000 cash.
Y ou know why it’s called horse sense—they don’t bet on people.
T echnology—what makes it take less time to cross the ocean & longer to drive to work.
O ld fellow: Yep I’m 94 and haven’t got an enemy in the world—last one petered out about a yr. ago.
A sk an atheist who’s just had a great meal if he believes there’s a cook.
I f all the cans in the world were placed end to end some dope would pull out & try to pass them.
A protest march is like a tantrum only better organized.
T he trouble with staying home from work is that you have to drink coffee on your own time.
B eware of those who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug.
S ome people want to check govt. spending & some people want to spend govt. checks.
T oday if someone offered us the world on a silver platter most of us would take the platter.
M oney may not buy friends but it will help you to stay in contact with your children.
A s long as there are final exams there will be prayer in schools.
F lattery
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