Free Calling Me Back by Louise Bay

cheeks.
    “But not enough for you?”
    “I just don’t want to get married. Not yet, maybe not ever. I don’t see myself with kids. You do and that’s fine. I want that for you but—”
    “I’ll wait. I can give you a year and see if you feel differently.” She sounded so sad, and I hated that I caused it.
    I shook my head. It would be easy at this point to agree to an extra year. It would keep everything just the same. But I couldn’t do that to her. I wanted her to have the future she imagined for herself, and I would never be able to give her that.
    “I won’t do that to you,” I said as I squeezed her hand. “I can’t.”
    “I don’t mind. I’ll wait. I shouldn’t have pushed—I knew you weren’t ready. Please Luke, don’t leave me.”
    A month ago, I never would have thought that we’d have this conversation. I thought we were happy. We had a relationship I enjoyed because we gave each other so much freedom. And I loved her. I really did. But now she was offering me this extra time, which I knew I couldn’t take because it wasn’t fair on her. But ultimately, I didn’t want it. I wanted to move on. The churning in my stomach was no longer about the impact this conversation was having on me but what it was doing to Emma. I was ready for a different future.
    “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t think anything will change for me. I’m sorry,” I said.
    She took a sharp intake of breath and narrowed her eyes. “Is there someone else?”
    “Of course not.” How could she think that? “I’ve never cheated on you or anyone.”
    “Not with Ash?”
    My stomach twisted. Did she think there was something between us? My feelings about Ash and Richard had confused me, but I hadn’t reached a conclusion about why. “Not anyone.”
    She nodded. “So you’re going to move out.”
    “I’m going to stay with Haven.”
    “Right,” she said, her throat tight. “I’ll speak to my dad about getting the money together to buy you out.”
    “You know where I am. I’ll let you know if I find a place.”
    She started to cry again. I just wanted to take her in my arms and make everything better. I moved toward her and she pulled farther away.
    “I’m sorry,” I said, again. “Do you want me to stay tonight?” I asked.
    She shook her head. “No, I’ll call Kelly. You should go now. I really loved you, Luke.”
    I closed my eyes. “I know and I love you. I really want you to be happy.”
    I stood, headed to the guest bedroom and collected my case.

    Thank God the following day was Friday. My brain was close to a meltdown with all the adjustments and contemplations it had been doing recently. I didn’t often go drinking with colleagues, but tonight was an exception. I needed to block things out. Alcohol was the perfect treatment. I could dive into those relaxed soporific sensations and let myself drown for a bit. I could use it to block out the guilt and unease, the anxiety over what was next.
    Emma’s reaction to our breakup had been heartbreaking. Somehow I felt guilty that she wasn’t angrier with me. She had every reason to be. Unwittingly, I’d led her to believe that we could be something more. I should have been more sensitive to her.
    “Shots!” Mark, one of the other lawyers, shouted as he placed a tray of vodka in front of the group of us gathered in Chancery Bar. I couldn’t remember if this would be my fourth or fifth shot, but things were becoming pleasantly hazy.
    “Oh, just to warn you, Wendy found out you’re single,” Mark whispered.
    I shuddered. Wendy, our office manager, flirted with most of the lawyers who were single and a number of them had “experienced” her. I wasn’t about to be another one of those guys. She wasn’t my type.
    “You not interested?” Mark asked. “She’s sexy.”
    I shook my head. “Never a good idea to shit on your own doorstep.”
    That seemed to make sense to Mark, and he didn’t push it. I scanned the faces in the bar.