Free Not Your Mother's Rules: The New Secrets for Dating by Ellen Fein, Sherrie Schneider Page A

response time for your age group. Not only would that be taking too long, but it would also be too predictable. You have to mix it up so he doesn’t know what you are doing and doesn’t suspect you are employing any kind of dating strategy. If you are twenty years old, after your first response, you would then text back in thirty minutes, then five minutes to answer the next text, and then maybe ten to twenty minutes for the next. Then, when he is expecting another text in twenty minutes, throw in an hour-long wait so that you stay unpredictable. Keep him checking his phone in anticipation! While a guy might be caught off guard the first or second time you don’t text back right away, if you don’t text back right away, he will come to expect that and know you are busy doing other things andlike to take your time. He will make up excuses as to why you didn’t write back faster. He will say, “You are so bad with your phone!”
    When a guy doesn’t text or text back, women make up excuses for him: “He must be really busy with work” or “He’s probably watching a football game” or “His phone must have died.” But if
she
doesn’t text back right away herself, she feels she is being rude or cold or playing games. Don’t you have a life? Aren’t you busy, too? How can a guy prove whether you are doing
The Rules
or just busy? He can’t.
    If you have BlackBerry Messenger, iMessage, or a similar program, a guy might be able to tell if you have read his text. If you don’t respond within a few minutes, he could be insulted that you read his text and didn’t write back quickly. If you have this feature on your phone, don’t read his text until you are ready to answer it.
    Texting versus Calling: A Great Debate?
    Obviously nothing is as disrespectful as a text-message breakup (and hopefully you’ll never experience one firsthand), but do the same
Rules
apply to a text message ask-out? The idea of a guy asking a girl out via text message may sound a little juvenile—like those middle-school notes you’d find in your locker that read, “Do you like me?” with boxes for yes and no—but we don’t think so. These days, it doesn’t matter whether a guy calls, texts, or even e-mails to ask you out, as long as he asks you right. Especially if you’ve been texting each other already (which, let’s be honest, we’re sure you have been), he shouldn’t have to give you a call when he wants to popthis particular question. To be honest, wouldn’t it be a little awkward if he did? Who even talks on the phone anymore?! The point is, he asked you out—congratulations!
    —Rules Daughters
    Sara, a twenty-seven-year-old speech therapist in Seattle, met a hunky realtor at a bar. He spoke to her first, asked for her number, and texted her the next day and the next day and the day after that, but never asked her out. She thought she was doing
The Rules
, but couldn’t figure out where she was going wrong, so she sent us the conversations.
    Him: Hey great meeting you last night. How do you like Seattle? Very different from Florida, huh?
    Her: I like it a lot—there’s a Starbucks on every corner!
    Him: I don’t go to bars a lot, just wanted to chill with some friends, but then I got lucky and met you.
    Her: Thanks. I’m not a big bar goer either.
    Him: You’re very pretty. I wouldn’t think you would have problems meeting guys.
    Her: Thanks, you’re sweet. So sorry, but I have to take a call for work.
    Him: OK, we should get together sometime…
    Her: That sounds great!
Next Day
    Him: Hey, you mentioned you like sushi. Maybe we can go for sushi sometime.
    Her: Sure!
    Him: Good to know, I’ve been looking for a sushi buddy. You also mentioned last night you have a sister in LA. I love LA. Have you been there recently?
    Her: Yes, I went to LA and Arizona last month.
    Him: Cool. What did you do there?
    Her: We hung out at the beach. Next client just got here… Gotta run!
    Him: OK TTYL
The Day after That
    Him: So