Free Mortal Heart by Robin Lafevers Page B

will protect Matelaine like He does all His daughters,” the abbess says through clenched teeth. She turns to Matelaine. “Go to your chambers and pack your things. I will be there shortly to give you your final instructions.”
    As Thomine and Matelaine leave the room, the abbess thrusts her hands in her sleeves and strides over to the window. I flinch as she passes, her anger as palpable as a fist. But so is my own. “I have earned this,” I tell her in a low, hard voice. “By right of all of the Dragonette’s trials, I have earned my place as an instrument of Death.”
    She turns to look at me, her eyes blazing blue fire. “And what of me, Annith? What have I earned?”
    “What?”
    “You speak of the Dragonette, of your time with her. Who was it that snuck you food to eat when she would have had you go hungry? Who was always there, ready to free you from your confinement early, even at the cost of punishment to myself? Who soothed you when you cried, hid your crimes from her, and did everything possible to make your life bearable?”
    “You did.” Every word she says is true. While Sybella might feel the current abbess to be harsh and unfair, to me she could never be a true monster. Not like the Dragonette, who still gives me nightmares, even though she has been dead for seven years. And while this abbess was as much my rescuer as any knight from the tales of chivalry, I never expected her to use the affection between us like a merchant with a sack of coins, trying to bind my will to hers.
    She takes a deep breath and visibly calms herself. “By rights, I should have you expelled from the convent for such insubordination and disobedience. However, because of the extreme fondness I hold for you, I am going to assume this is a one-time occurrence—brought on by the duress caused by the weighty choice before you. But make no mistake, Annith, if this happens again, I will throw you out.”
    And there it is. The threat I have lived with my entire life. If I am not good enough, kind enough, thoughtful enough, obedient enough, I will be cast from my home like a stunted fish from a fisherman’s net.
    The abbess takes a deep breath and folds away her anger like an unneeded blanket. “Now, I must have your answer, Annith, for I am leaving the convent to travel to Guérande in two days, as events are growing ever more serious. I need to know if this is settled before I leave, and more importantly, I need to know if I can trust you.”
    My heart leaps at the news that she is leaving, for if she is gone from here, then I will have more freedom to . . . what? Maneuver. Think. Strategize. Search for answers to the burning question of why she will not let me take my rightful place in Mortain’s service. All that I do not know swirls inside me, like some foul storm, so strong it nearly makes me ill. But I know my chance of finding answers will be better with the abbess gone. I take a deep breath and put my hands up to my face, as if to scrub the tumult away. When I withdraw my hands, I see the abbess watching me carefully. “Yes, Reverend Mother.” I permit a faint tremble of uncertainty to show and allow my shoulders to droop, as if in defeat. “If there is no other choice, I will stay at the convent to serve as seeress.”
    It is not the first lie I have ever told her, but it is the first one that I do not feel any guilt or remorse for having told.

Chapter Nine
    I FIND M ATELAINE IN HER room packing a small leather satchel. She is no longer dressed in her habit but in a traveling gown of forest green with her red hair unbound from its customary braid. She looks up when I enter. When she sees that it is me, the bright look on her face evaporates and she returns to her packing. “What do you want?”
    “I have come to bid you farewell. And to explain, and perhaps apologize.”
    “You think you can explain away trying to humiliate me in front of the abbess?”
    “Matelaine, I was not questioning your skill or