Free Slaves of New York by Tama Janowitz Page A

choice," he said. "Listen, I know this might offend you, but I'm a millionaire and I get a kick out of taking young women shopping at Tiffany's. Would you like to go? You can pick out something nice—a bracelet, whatever."
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    "Okay," the girl said.
    They got in a taxi. On the way uptown the girl explained that she was from Ohio and was visiting her sister. Fred said that he didn't do this sort of thing all that often, just when the mood struck. "It must be nice to have all that money," the girl said.
    "Oh, it's not bad," Fred said.
    In Tiffany's the girl grew very excited. "I can't believe this," she said. "Wait till my sister hears about this. She'll just die. This is like something out of the movies."
    For almost an hour Fred and the girl perused the trays of emerald rings, chunky lapis bracelets, silver and pearl necklaces. Watching the girl, with her gingery freckles, her muttered cooing, and her skinny, twitching elbows, Fred was nearly overcome with love. At last the girl selected a $3,000 belt of alligator and silver. "Very tasteful," Fred said. "A good choice. But don't you think you'd rather have a pin?"
    The girl looked worried. "Well it's up to you," she said. "You're paying. I mean, you can decide."
    Fred knew the girl really wanted the belt, but he selected a tiny choker of pink coral and small diamonds.
    Just as the salesperson was about to write up the purchase, Fred searched his pockets and his wallet. "Damn," he said. "I've forgotten my credit card. How stupid!"
    The girl looked wistful but said she understood absolutely.
    That night Fred replayed the event over in his head. He felt he had never been more aroused, more attuned to life, than he had been in that hour and a half spent in Tiffany's. Yet obviously this was not normal. He remembered reading about how when Nietzsche, the famous German philosopher, was fifteen years old and in boarding school, a sadomasochistic nymphomaniac countess snuck into his dorm room late one night dressed as a man and beat him until she was sexually aroused enough to make love.
    Though Fred didn't quite remember all the details of this incident, he did know that in future years, when Nietzsche was grown up, he developed his superman philosophy, in which the virile, powerful individual would dominate in life and society.
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    In Nietzsche's case it was obvious how the primary, or key event—that of his rape by the blond nymphomaniac countess —led to the creation of a new philosophy.
    But Fred could not understand why he himself had this penchant, this need, this lust to approach strange women on the street and offer to take them shopping at Tiffany's. He'd never had a key event. Maybe he'd never had any events.
    For a few more times he was able to get away with his harmless ruse; but eventually the salespeople began to recognize him, and at last one of them, upon seeing him enter Tiffany's with yet another woman, called the police. He was detained and questioned for several hours; the woman also. She wept bitterly as she explained she had never seen Fred before. Tiffany's decided not to press charges provided Fred never entered the store again.
    He thought about asking women to shop with him at Harry Winston's, but his original enthusiasm had worn thin, his pleasure in women had dimmed, even his new musical compositions seemed to lack the old zip and snap.
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sun poisoning
    You never wanted to take a vacation. Just to stay home requires all of your energy, and when you go away you not only have to do all the normal, exhausting things, you also have to run around getting tickets, contact-lens solution, do the laundry, et cetera. You'd much rather just lie in bed and think about how much fun everyone else is having. But your boyfriend has a show of his paintings and decides you should both get away for a few days.
    It takes days of preparation to get ready for your Haitian vacation. You take the big plunge and have your legs waxed. This is one of the most horrifying