Free My Last Confession by Helen Fitzgerald

could recall playing hide-and-seek in the park with her, and reading stories at night. He could picture how interested she always was in the sticks he had collected, and how – at night – she laughed and danced in the kitchen with a bottle of pinot grigio half full on the breakfast bar.
    But everything changed after his sister came home.
    Bella, she was called. She had thick dark hair and a squashed nose and she cried. And cried. And the laughing and dancing in the kitchen turned to yelling and screaming. The park strolls were replaced by frantic drives around and around town until Bella got to sleep.
    As for his stick collections, Jeremy distinctly recalled his mother using a voice he’d never heard before when she yelled, ‘For God’s sake Jeremy, those stupid sticks have brought mud in all over the place!’
    When he started crying his mother spoke softly for the first time in a week. ‘I am so sorry, baby boy. I didn’t mean that. I’m just tired. Your little sister keeps me up all night with her hungry tummy and her nappies.’
    ‘Well, don’t use nappies, then.’
    ‘I have to, honey, she pees in them and gets all wet anduncomfortable and that’s why she cries. I’m sorry, I’m just very tired because there’s no one to help. I do love you, my little boy, you know that, don’t you? I love you more than ever, and little Bella doesn’t change that. I’m just tired, that’s all.’
    Jeremy went to bed without a story after that and felt so sorry for his mummy. How could he help? He lay awake for hours thinking about it and when Bella cried her piercing cry in the middle of the night it came to him.
    He would dry her nappy and his mummy would not have to wake up at all.
    He crept into the nursery and looked into the cot. She was so lovely, this poor little girl, so wet and uncomfortable . And he was her big brother and he would look after her. He would pick her up and kiss her on the forehead and look into her special little eyes and hold her head up like he’d been taught to do, and rock her gently back and forth as he walked down the hall, through the kitchen and into the utility room. And he would kiss her once more and smile so lovingly at her, because she was the only little sister he had, and he would touch her on the nose once she was in the barrel and blow her a kiss and then shut the door and her nappy would soon be dry. Then Mummy and Daddy would have a good night’s sleep so that tomorrow they would drink a bottle of pinot grigio and dance and sing in the kitchen.
    *
    It was still pitch black outside when Jeremy figured the nappy would be dry. When he opened the door of the dryer his gorgeous little sister fell out with a thud onto the floor at his feet. It had worked. The nappy was dry as a bone and Bella was quiet as anything, snug and warmwithout the grimace on her face she always seemed to have. Happy to have helped, he picked her up in his arms and cuddled her gently and kissed her on the forehead and then noticed his mother standing over him in the doorway. His lovely mummy, standing over him, white as a ghost, and then screaming.
    And then grabbing his sister from his arms.
    And then running to the phone.
    And then breathing into Bella’s face with her large mouth and not even looking at Daddy who was also white as a ghost.
    And then sobbing, sobbing, holding her, little Bella, Mummy and Daddy both crouched over her, rocking and sobbing and screaming ‘NOOOO!’
    ‘Her nappy …’ Jeremy ventured, as the siren got louder and louder outside, then stopped.
    And this is when Jeremy got the look from his mum that he would get from her for the rest his life. Slowly her face withdrew from his lovely little sister and her clenched hands climbed from her thighs to her waist and she stared at him with eyes that were filled with rage and hatred, confused though, because this kind of rage and hatred would usually be followed by action, but this time the eyes just held themselves on him and no