Free Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) by Ann Stewart, Stephanie Nash Page B

up
hating me.”  With what little fight I have left in me, I push his body
backwards and attempt to sit up.  Of course, it would never be that easy.  I
don’t get far before he reaches over to bring me into an embrace.  Before my
heart can catch up to my brain, I refuse his gesture and push against him. 
    Now that we
aren’t in the throes of passion, I’m reminded of how wrong this was.  How
broken we really are.  When I told him it wasn’t our time, I meant it.  I stand
and hurry to my tussled dress on the floor, my back to Alex.
    A zipper.  That
simple sound is my undoing.  It means more than what it’s supposed to.  It
means finality.  I bend down and pull my dress up past my hips; my body aches
as I feel the remnants of our time together between my thighs.  I place the
straps back on my shoulders where they belong and search for my missing
underwear.  My search ends when I remember they are securely hidden inside his
front pocket. 
    “Elyssa, look at
me.  What’s going on?”  He has every right to be confused.  The problem is I’m
weak; constantly giving into my emotions.  It’s careless really, giving into my
carnal need for him and ignoring the responsibility of keeping his heart safe. 
Inevitably I decided to torture him slowly.  And in turn, torture myself.
    There is
absolutely no way I can look at him.  Instead, my eyes focus on my hands. 
“Nothing has changed, Alex.  I knew this was a bad idea and yet...”
    “A bad idea? 
Did you just refer to us as an idea?”  He gestures between us with his
middle and forefinger.  “No fuck that!  Get this through your fucking head
right now.  This is the first real thing I’ve ever had in my life.  This isn’t
a game for me.  You have me.  You have all of me.  I can’t take this teeter tottering
bullshit anymore.  One moment you are flying thousands of miles to be with me
and then the next you’re running away in the middle of the night.  One moment
we are making love on my desk and the next minute you’re fucking crying. 
You’re tearing me apart.”
    Because I’m a
sorry excuse for a person, I can only whisper, “I’m sorry, Alex.”  I grab my
purse and sweater and head for the door, but not before my way is blocked.
    “No.  You are
not running away again.  I’m not sleeping.  Don’t be a fucking coward!”
    “What?!  What do
you want me to say, Alex?”  Out of sheer desperation, I raise my voice as I
push against his chest.  “You think I want someone who keeps me as their
fucking secret?  Has a past that creeps up at random moments?  Someone who has
anger issues that scare the living shit out of me?  I never know where we stand
or where I am with you,” I lie and immediately hate myself for throwing his
past in his face.
    “You’re not my
secret, Elyssa.  Anyone can see how I feel about you with one look.  I haven’t
openly admitted that we’re dating to anyone other than Janice and Arianna, but
I have no problem letting anyone know that you are mine,” he growls.  "So,
as far as where you stand…where you stand is here.”  Alex reaches over taking
my hand and places it over his heart.  “This is where you are for me. 
This is what you are to me.”
    I retract slowly
from his touch.  I’m literally putty in his hands when he’s near.  “When you
left, a part of me died.  I’m not going through that again.”
    I try to push
past him, but once again Alex moves in my way.  “I called you every day.  I
texted you at least three times a day for the first week.  You never called me
once or responded.  What the fuck happened while I was gone?”
    Before I get a
chance to respond, my ever present phone has a way of knowing when the most
horrible time is to chime.  Glancing at the screen, a picture of me and Oliver
from the other night at the movies pops up.  Shit.  Shit.  Shit.   Why
did I allow him to play with my phon e?!  Regardless of who was texting me I should have