Free Last Call by James Grippando

hadn’t even registered. It seemed that Jack’s internal pain meter was still processing the procedure, and his brain simply couldn’t handle any additional information.
    Theo said, “They actually punch a hole on the underside, and they thread it all the way up and out through—”
    “Enough!” Jack closed his eyes, as if not comprehending, and then he opened them slowly. “I swear, sometimes I feel like I’m Rip Van Winkle and the whole world flipped out while I was asleep.”
    “Don’t beat yourself up. Turning myself into the Penis Currently Known as Prince is even too much for me.”
    “So you’re not going to get it?”
    “Can’t.”
    “Why not?”
    “Hey,” he said, stepping back as he motioned toward his crotch.
    “They don’t make rings this freakin’ big.”
    “That’s a problem.”
    “Not to mention the hassle. Imagine setting off metal detectors for the rest of your life and having to announce to the world,‘Calm down, folks, nothing to worry about. It’s just my dick ring.’”
    “I can see where that would get old.”
    “And let’s not forget, we’re talking about a ring, a needle, and 64
    James Grippando
    the one-eyed monster.You don’t go stickin’ a needle in the monster’s eye.”
    “You make a strong case.”
    “Damn straight.”
    The married guys seated near Jack ordered cocktails for exhib-its A and B in their future divorce proceedings.Theo was making cosmopolitans when Uncle Cy tapped him on the shoulder.
    “I’m feelin’ tired,” the old man said. “You mind calling me a cab?”
    “That’s a thirty-dollar fare,” said Theo.
    “I can take you,” said Jack. He glanced toward the pool table, where Rene was emasculating an unsuspecting biker at a game of eight ball. “Rene and I go right by the Grove on our way home.”
    “Thanks, but I don’t want to cut your night short.”
    “No problem.There are other bars in Miami.”
    “No, there ain’t,” said Theo.
    Cy smiled.“I’ll just lie down for a while in back. Let me know when you and Rene are ready to go.”
    They argued about it for a minute, but Cy won out. He headed back to the stockroom adjacent to Theo’s office, where Theo kept a cot. Theo was about to go along and help his uncle set up, but Jack stopped him.
    “Andie Henning came by my house to see me today.”
    Theo laughed heartily, glancing toward Rene. “Timing is everything, ain’t it?”
    “She was asking about Isaac Reems.”
    “I thought the state attorney promised not to mention my name.”
    “She kept the promise.They linked me up to Reems another way. But let’s be real. Once the BOLO went out and said Reems was last seen at Sparky’s, Andie must have immediately thought
    ‘Theo Knight.’”
    LAST CALL
    65
    “I’m surprised she didn’t just call me. I got no hard feelings.
    The two of you didn’t work out, but she’s still welcome here.”
    “After what she said?”
    “She didn’t say nothin’, Jack. You two were drinking, having fun. She made a dumb-ass joke about me landing you in jail.”
    “Getting me disbarred,” said Jack, correcting him.
    “Whatever.”
    “Don’t dismiss it. It bugs me, the way a cop’s mind works. So what if the DNA proved you didn’t kill that convenience-store clerk? If you didn’t do that crime, you were probably doing something when the cops picked you up that night. Or, if you weren’t doing something right at that very moment, you’ve probably done a whole lot of other things in your life.”
    “I have done a lotta other things,” said Theo.
    “That’s not the point.”
    “You’re right.The point is,Andie made a joke, and you jumped all over it.”
    “What are you talking about?”
    “Forget it. Don’t make no difference anyhow,” he said, pointing with his eyes toward Rene. She was still having her run of the pool table.“There’s your woman, right over there. Beautiful. Smart.
    Rich.”
    “You know she gave away most of what she inherited.Tons for AIDS