Free Careful What You Wish For by Maureen McCarthy

‘You either love clothes and fashion or you don’t. Your mum and Faye were never interested and that doesn’t make them inferior in any way, but if you are interested, as I know you are, it actually hurts not to have nice things!’
    ‘Yes,’ Ruth said quietly, brushing away tears with the back of her hand.
    ‘Your mum is the best, Ruthie, but she doesn’t really understand, does she?’
    ‘No.’ Ruth shook her head.
    ‘And money is tight. They’ve got three kids and they have to spend on essentials. That’s why I’m arranging things for you … in advance.’
    A chill went down Ruth’s spine.
    ‘Please … don’t … go anywhere. ’ Ruth was overwhelmed by all she wanted to say. ‘Don’t … go away or anything.’
    Mary Ellen took her hand and squeezed it. ‘You’ll be fine. I know you will.’
    None of the conversation had seemed real at the time; even the vouchers Ruth held in her hand seemed like they were part of a dream. But she didn’t know how to begin to tell her aunt any of this.
    After the funeral was over, Ruth’s mum wouldn’t leave her alone about the vouchers.
    ‘Ruthie, when are you going to buy your things with Aunty Mary Ellen’s money?’
    ‘Soon.’
    ‘It’ll lift your spirits to go shopping.’
    ‘I’m okay, Mum, really.’
    ‘You need some new things. And you have the money now.’
    ‘I know. I’ll go.’
    ‘Do you want me to come with you?’
    ‘No!’
    Her mother had looked hurt, but said nothing.
    Ruth shuddered. The very idea of going into those cool shops with her mother was the stuff of a nightmare. But the truth was she was terrified herself. She had no idea what she should buy first. To have so much money was scary.
    Then one Saturday morning her mother broke the news that she’d organised a shopping expedition behind Ruth’s back.
    ‘All the girls will be over soon,’ Mrs Craze informed Ruth gaily, as she sat at the kitchen table finishing her breakfast.
    ‘Who?’ Ruth asked warily. Apart from Lou, who’d been over once – and what a disaster that had been – none of her other friends had ever even seen her house, so she had no idea who her mother meant.
    ‘Your friends, darling. Lou and Bonnie and Katy and who is the other one? I’ve forgotten.’
    ‘ What? ’ Ruth stared at her mother in horror.
    ‘I met Lou’s mother down the street,’ Mrs Craze chattered on proudly. ‘She told me that all your friends were concerned when they heard about Mary Ellen. Why didn’t you tell them, I wonder? Anyway, we got talking and decided that you should go shopping with your girlfriends.’
    ‘You did what ?’
    ‘Oh, darling, please.’ Her mother’s cheerful expression took on an anxious edge. ‘I thought you’d love it. Going shopping with your friends will do you good.’
    ‘But you don’t know my friends!’ Ruth spluttered.
    ‘I met Lou that time,’ her mother said reproachfully, ‘and I met her mother at the parent–teacher night last week and we ran into each other again, so …’
    ‘You shouldn’t talk to other parents when you go to those things!’
    ‘Oh, Ruth.’
    ‘I don’t want to go shopping.’
    ‘It’s already arranged.’
    ‘But it will be so embarrassing! Besides, they’ve got better things to do.’
    ‘But they’re your friends. Lou’s mother said they’re all lovely girls and would be happy to come.’
    All your friends are concerned for you . Since the funeral, Ruth knew she hadn’t been herself. Her friends didn’t know what to make of her and Ruth didn’t know what to make of herself. It was as if she’d forgotten how to play the game. She came out with opinions that the others didn’t like and laughed in the wrong places. Her friends would raise their eyebrows or give the odd deep sigh to let her know she’d made another mistake. Most of the time she felt they were putting up with her. But it went the other way too. Sometimes when she was with them, Ruth only just managed to hold herself there. Part