Free Reluctant Cuckold by David McManus

bad,” I said, returning her gaze, “I swear, it’s not.”
     
    “OK.”
     
    “I’ve just been thinking. I mean, I love you so much, and our marriage is far and away the most important and precious thing in my life. I know you know that, but I wanted to say it again, because it’s so true.”
     
    Ashley replied, “Me, too.”
     
    “Well, I just wanted to say that you can be completely open with me. Nothing would change how I feel about you. The love I have for you has no boundaries. It’s, it’s unequivocal.
     
    “And so,” I continued, “I think the key for us is open communication. I think if we have that, everything else follows. I want you to feel like you can tell me anything, and I’ll understand. And so,” I stuttered, “I know how things can happen, I totally understand that. I want you to know I do or that I would, that I have no judgments.”
     
    “OK,” she said.
     
    “It’s just that I’ve been wondering, I mean, just so we can put it behind us and move forward … that night … at your friend’s party ... it’s OK if it did … I understand how things can just kind of happen, I really do … but, like that night, you mentioned Jim Murta and I was just wondering … because you can be totally honest with me, and I won’t feel differently. But if there was something between the two of you that night, I mean—”
     
    Ashley took my hand, cut me off, and said “Yes.”
     
    I looked back up at her and quietly asked, “Yes?”
     
    “You’re asking if something happened with Jim that night.”
     
    “Yeah,” I said.
     
    “Yes, we did hook up that night.”
     
    Ashley was still holding my hand, trying to make eye contact.
     
    “‘Hooked up’ as in ‘had sex’?”
     
    “It’s like you said, it just kind of happened.”
     
    “But you had sex?”
     
    “Yes, we did.”
     
    It was as if Ashley had just punched me hard in the gut. Even though I was sure it had happened, just the reality of her admission had me emotionally reeling. Like I was trying to conversationally get back up off the floor.
     
    “I kind of figured that you had,” she said.
     
    “You did? Why?”
     
    “I had just gotten that impression. And I’m sorry. I should have been upfront about it when I told you. It’s just I was scared about how you would take it. And I was embarrassed. That first week at work, I was mortified—knowing people were talking about me.”
     
    “I understand,” I said, “but there’s something else I’ve wondered about. Are you still interested in Jim?”
     
    “Oh God, Dave. Not at all.”
     
    “You sure? I mean you could tell me—”
     
    Ashley patted my arm. “Jim is an immature jerk. He’s how the rumor got started. The last thing I need now is more gossip about me.”
     
    “So there’s nothing between you and Jim now?”
     
    “No, nada, zilcho. There’s zero between us.”
     
    We were both quiet, but I found it hard to look her in the eye.
     
    “You OK?”
     
    “Yeah, of course,” I said, “I’m just glad we got it out in the open so we can move on.”
     
    “Me, too,” she said.
     
    “I love you, Ashley?” I said, phrased more as a question. I was desperate for reciprocation.
     
    “And I love you,” she replied. “I appreciate you being so loving and understanding”
     
    “Of course, Ash.”
     
    “I mean it,” she said, “I really appreciate how cool and sweet you’ve been. That first week at work really had me freaking out. Being gossiped about. I thought I would have to start getting my résumé in order.”
     
    “But it’s gotten better?”
     
    “Yeah, as Tamara said the other night, ‘Just let time do its thing.’ ”
     
    “Ashley,” I said, “can I ask one more question?”
     
    “Of course.”
     
    “I’m not really sure how to say this. But was he, um, was uh, I mean Jim, was he bigger, I mean, bigger than me?”
     
    Ashley looked at me like she wasn’t sure of the question.
     
    I looked down at