Free Rule of Thirds, The by Chantel Guertin

Rule Book? Besides we’re on the same team. We’re in this together.
    Me: Who’s our competition?
    Dylan: No competition. We’d blow everyone out of the water with our awesomeness.
    Yeah, the part about forgetting all about Dylan? Scratch that. I’m officially back in total like with him.
    • • •
    “So you kissed this boy, Ben Baxter, but you can’t stop thinking about another boy,” Dr. Judy says, clicking away at her laptop. I’m pretty sure she’s playing Solitaire.
    “Maybe it’s because I’ve liked Dylan for so long?” I explain. “And I don’t know Ben as well. So I should give Ben a chance, right? Because long term he’s probably better for me.”
    “Let’s back things up a minute. Do you think you should be kissing boys who you’re not sure you like?”
    “I didn’t say I wasn’t sure I liked Ben. I do. I just think I might like Dylan better. What I’m asking is whether it’s stupid to like Dylan. And I can’t really know if I like Ben if I don’t give him a chance. And that means kissing.”
    “But you know you like Dylan and you haven’t kissed him.”
    “Kissing doesn’t really matter. Dace says kissing is basically like coughing. Not a big deal. And doesn’t really tell you anything anyway.”
    “Is that what you think?”
    Dr. Judy’s specialty is asking me what I think. Which is so typical shrink. Correction: psychologist. But why do I have to have all the answers? If I had all the answers, would I be here?
    “I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve kissed enough to know if it makes a difference or not. Can we talk about something else?”
    “No. I find this fascinating,” she says, taking a sip of water. “Tell me again why you kissed Ben?”
    “I didn’t. He kissed me,” I say again.
    She pushes her glasses onto her forehead. “Did you tell him you aren’t sure if you’re into him?”
    “When was I supposed to do that? After he kissed me? That would be kind of awkward, don’t you think?”
    “What do you think?”
    Here we go again.
    “You know what? Fine. I won’t kiss him again until I’m sure. OK?” I fiddle with the hem of my shirt.
    “If that’s what you want. Now what about Dylan?”
    “I like him. A lot. But I feel like I don’t know what’s going on with him. Like if he dropped out of school or what he’s doing with his life. But despite that I still feel this connection to him. Is that weird?”
    Dr. Judy shakes her head and, surprise, surprise, asks me if I think it’s weird.
    I tell her I’m not sure, and she says that it’s OK to not be sure of my feelings. That that’s what we’re here to talk about. Then she asks me what makes me feel like I have a connection to him, and I tell her I’m not sure about that either, that it’s just a gut feeling. That I feel safe around him.
    “Listen,” Dr. Judy says, “why don’t we make a pact just to see how things play out this week. You call or text or see whoever you feel like, without worrying about what they’ll think or want from you. If you want to call the same boy three days in a row, do it. And then if you want to see the other boy, do that. And we’ll meet next week and you’ll tell me all about it.” Dr. Judy uncrosses her legs and then crosses them the other way. “Now how are things going in the hospital? How is it making you feel about your father?”
    I make something up, about how the hospital seems to be helping, and the session ends a few minutes later. My circular reasoning continues on the bus ride home. Maybe the only reason I like Dylan is historical? And Ben likes me, and we have tons in common. And he’s driven. Or at least not a college dropout, or whatever. And just because I had thought of him as my competition doesn’t mean I have to keep thinking of him like that. Maybe he could be my boyfriend. Maybe I need to shift my focus from Dylan the slacker to Ben.
    Dylan: Food Alert! Just had a Wardinski’s hot dog. Oldest hot dog in Western New York. Fully