Free Look Behind You by Sibel Hodge

shut, trying to think. It feels like I’ve got one foot stuck in a past I don’t remember and one foot in the present. One false move and I’ll be ripped right down the middle. ‘I ran along a corridor to a doorway. I opened the doorway, and there were steps upwards. There was a hatch at the top, and I pushed it open. Then I was in the woods, running, and it was dark.’
    Flynn and Summers exchange a look. ‘How big was the structure?’ Flynn takes my hand to guide me over a fallen tree. I slip on the moss covering it and he grips my arms, holding me upright. ‘Careful,’ Flynn says.
    ‘I don’t know. The room I was in was about seven metres by five metres, but I don’t know how big the whole place was.’ I scan the area, desperately hoping to see something. Anything I can pinpoint that will help to prove I’m right and that this isn’t just a figment of my crazed imagination.
    After an hour of walking, Summers pulls some bottles of water out of his rucksack and hands them out. I hold the cool plastic to my forehead, breathing heavily as the world falls apart around me.
    ‘Do you want to sit down?’ Summers takes my hand and guides me to another fallen log to sit on.
    ‘I must be more worn out than I thought.’ Everything swims in and out of focus.
    ‘It’s OK. We’re not in a rush.’ Summers hands me a chocolate bar. ‘Here, eat this.’
    I wait for my vision to refocus then tear off the wrapper and stuff it in the pocket of my top. I take a bite of warm, soft chocolate and swallow it down with some water. ‘I could hear dripping,’ I say.
    ‘That might not help much,’ Summers replies.
    I swallow another bite. ‘The bone I used to scrape out the render in the doorway. I think it was human.’ I finally put the thought I’ve been trying to hide in a corner of my brain into words. ‘There might’ve been someone else down there. He may have done this before.’
    ‘What makes you think it was human?’ Flynn asks.
    ‘It was too big to be a cat or a dog or fox. What other kind of animal would be out here?’
    ‘Deer? Badger? Muntjac?’ Flynn suggests.
    ‘I’m pretty sure it was a leg bone. A human femur,’
    ‘Just one bone?’ Summers give me a noncommittal look and takes a swig of water.
    ‘I only found one, but it was pitch-black in there. There could’ve been others.’ I stand up, and we resume walking. We trail slowly through the dense woods for another hour, but everything looks the same. Miles and miles of oak trees, silver birch, hornbeam, cherry. A woodpecker drumming at the bark in the distance. Shrubs, bracken, logs. And bluebells everywhere, creating a carpet of soft lilac. I never want to see another bluebell as long as I live. I stand still, trying to pierce behind the colourful veil into the shadows beyond. Somewhere out there is the place I was held captive. ‘I’m sorry. I just…I’m not helping much, am I?’
    ‘Let’s head back.’ Summers pulls out his mobile phone and presses a few buttons. ‘GPS. So we can find our way out.’ He turns to his left and walks in front. ‘We made enquiries with the college. I spoke to the Principal, Theresa Higgins. She confirmed you’d been off sick since the miscarriage.’
    ‘What else did she say?’
    ‘That you’re a good teacher. The students love you. You’re professional and competent but not particularly close friends with any colleagues. She said to give you her regards.
    ‘We also checked with your neighbours to see if anyone remembers seeing you or anyone else at your house. But no one noticed anything untoward or suspicious.’
    My chest deflates like a balloon that’s had all the air let out. No one saw anything. No one knows anything. Including me. ‘If I did have a reaction to the Silepine and was in a psychotic state, hallucinating, don’t you think someone would’ve seen it? I mean, it’s five miles from my house to where I was found. Surely, someone must’ve noticed me somewhere along the