Free Home by Robert Muchamore Page B

didn’t want to have sex. I was sure I’d make a complete tit of myself.
    When I got back inside, Sami had turned out the lamp and pulled out her sleeping mat so there was enough room for me. I took off my boots and camouflage. I smelled pretty bad, but Sami wasn’t exactly fresh either. I laid right on the edge of the mat so I wasn’t touching her and wondered if I should make some sort of move; or if part of me would end up in a jar if I did.
    Sami rolled over, so our legs were touching and her tits were pressing against my chest. Sami put her arm around my shoulder. As she breathed her whole body shuddered. ‘All the things I’ve done,’ Sami sobbed. ‘I’ll be dead soon…I’m going straight to hell.’ It was the last thing I expected. She’d cut a guy’s throat out as casually as I’d scratch my arse. I thought
    she was rock hard. Her arm crept around my back and she started sobbing out of control. ‘You’ll be OK,’ I said. ‘I see all their faces in my dreams. All crying and stuff…’ I pulled her as tight as I could. ‘You won’t die Sami. The war can’t last forever.’ ‘Mum and Edo and the others are dead. I’m never going to see them. Me and Dad are going to hell.’ ‘After what I did tonight, I’ll be there with you,’ I said, rubbing her neck. Sami laughed a tiny bit, ‘That frown you gave me when I was going to kill you. I knew I’d see it in my
    nightmares, over and over again. That’s why I couldn’t shoot the gun.’ I was starting to cry a bit as well; thinking about Dad and Adam and the two guys I killed. The one shooting at me seemed fair enough, but I didn’t even see the other one’s face. What would happen when his wife or his Mum found out? Maybe he had a kid. I’m not sure if I felt sorry for myself, or for the dead guys; it just felt right to cry with Sami. Our sobs shook each other. I ran my nail over Sami’s sweaty back, tickling gently. ‘That feels nice,’ she said. ‘We can live together in hell,’ I said. ‘We’ll have a big red house with a giant fire in every room.’ Sami smiled, ‘It’s not funny Jake.’ ‘Twenty red babies with long tails and forked tongues.’ ‘Don’t you believe in hell?’ Sami asked.
    ‘Not really.’ ‘What do you believe in, Jake?’ ‘Nothing, I guess.’ Sami kissed my cheek and rolled away, ‘You’re crazy.’ I reached across and rested my hand on her bum. She nudged it away. ‘Not now,’ She said softly. ‘I’m so tired.’ I watched her outline gently rise and fall with each breath. It was ages before I fell asleep. . . .
    A half drunk beer bottle laid on the floor with ants crawling around the opening. I’d slept after sunup, something you could only do if you were exhausted: the heat inside is unbearable and the huts did a rotten job keeping out the sunlight. Sami hadn’t been up long. Her part of the mat was still warm. I rolled into her sweat, breathed her smell and wondered where she was.
    As soon as you start asking yourself where a girl is when she’s not around, you’re in trouble. I was always falling in love with girls. Red tracksuit girl was a classic example of how stupid I was. She didn’t go to my school, but she went out with a guy in our football team. She’d come to matches on Saturday mornings and stand on the touchline, stamping her feet to keep warm. She usually wore a denim jacket and red Adidas tracksuit bottoms with a rip over the knee.
    I never spoke to her, but I started thinking how great it must be to have someone who cared enough about you to come and watch you play football in the cold. I started looking forward to seeing her. Then I found myself awake in the middle of the night thinking about her. Friday nights, I’d be counting down the hours until I saw her. I tried to think up some way to start a conversation. I killed myself with envy, imagining my team mate snogging her and touching her up. It was pathetic, but I was nuts about her. ‘Didn’t see your