Free Gratitude & Kindness by Dr. Carla Fry Page A

what he wants are very tiring—especially once an entitled attitude has begun to set in.
    What Gabby and Don did not fully realize, is that they have unwittingly conditioned Miles to behave this way. They had an inkling that their behavior nurtured Miles’ attitude, but did not know what to do about it. They continued to take the easy way out, giving in to their son to keep the peace. Miles learned that to get his way every time, all he needed to do was get upset.
    The Overpaid, Ungracious Child
    We recently conducted a survey that asked parents a number of questions based on their behavior with their children. The study revealed several very interesting things about the relationships between children who have become ungracious, and their parents.
    Parents reported that they often overpay their children to perform a task. They also reported a desire to encourage characteristics such as entrepreneurial spirit and an understanding of the working concept of being compensated for providing a service. They emphasized the importance of increasing their child’s positive emotional wellbeing by helping them to feel useful, and a contributing member of the household. To a busy parent, or to a parent that has not fully thought through the medium and long-term consequences of paying a child $50 to wash the family car, this may seem like a great way to motivate your child. But overpaying children is actually quite damaging to their ability to be strong and successful in the world.
    Outcomes of Overpaying Our Children
    Short-Term
Medium-Term
Long-Term
Happy child
Less likely to be thankful for the overpayment and more likely to demand/expect it
Adult who expects to make easy money
Initial enthusiasm to repeat the task again
Without overpayment, likely to avoid or be belligerent about contributing within the family
Adult who is less likely to work hard for a goal without immediate gratification
Thankful child
Less likely to think about how they could be of help to the family as a whole, or helpful to particular individuals in the family
Adult who is more focused on “What’s in it for me?” than on the overall quality of the work or the enjoyment or pride in a job well done
Surprised child
Less thankfulness and gratitude
Self-centered adult who feels they deserve extra- special treatment and reward, independent of their effort
    Overpaying our children has little to no positive medium-term or long-term effects and misrepresents real life. It makes for youths and adults who tend to work less and expect more, make unreasonable demands, and act selfishly.

Examples of Overpayment:
Paying a child for chores, such as making their bed, tidying their room, or helping with meals.
    We recommend that families make it clear that Mom and Dad are not paid for cleaning out the dishwasher, so kids should not be paid either. Family and household chores are better presented as necessary family contributions. Period.
    If an allowance system is something that is important to your family to help a child understand money, and/or for them to save up for unnecessary items of indulgence (that ultra-cool skateboard or the latest sparkly sneakers), we recommend allotting a certain amount per week or month, independent of the required chores.
Paying above market value for services: a trip to the mall to buy $150 jeans in exchange for cleaning up the family room is not fair market value. (If you were paying a cleaning service to clean up your family room and you were paying $20 per hour, you would expect the cleaning service to complete the task in, for example, 30 minutes, making the fair market value $10, not $150.)
    If you or another family member, a grandparent, say, decide to contract a child for help with something that you do not typically define as standard household contributions (such as reorganizing the storage unit, cleaning out the garage, etc.), ensure you are as specific as you would be with hiring any other service (time required to go a good job;