Free Gratitude & Kindness by Dr. Carla Fry

short term. When you stop rewarding your child’s disruptive or undesirable behavior, they will tell you they are not happy with you by demonstrating even MORE undesirable behavior. If you consistently stop rewarding the undesirable behavior, your child’s intense tantrums will decrease. Warning: tantrums will get worse when you first begin to change your parenting approach.
Key 6: Spoil-proof your child. An over emphasis on trying to make your child happy all the time is a parenting trap that leads to spoiled child syndrome. Allow your child to build coping resources and accept disappointment while validating their feelings.
Key 7: My child is special. If your child sees themselves as special, they may experience challenges adapting to social situations. If society does not view your child in the same way as you, it may be difficult for your child to deal with the real world.
Key 8: Give your child responsibility. Real responsibility helps your child gain a sense of accomplishment and competency. It will crush privilege and entitlement. Your child will be better equipped to solve their own problems, and approach life in a self-sufficient manner.
    21 . McIntosh, B., (1989) Spoiled child syndrome. Pediatrics. (83)1 , 108-115.
    22 . Patterson, G.R., Littman, R.A. & Bricker, W. (1967). Assertive behavior in children: A step toward a theory of aggression, Monographs for the Society for Research in Child Development, 32 (5) , 1-43.
    23 . Drabman, R.S., & Jarvie, G. (1977). Counseling parents of children with behavior problems: the use of extinction and time-out techniques, Pediatrics, 59 (1) , 78-85.

5
    What to Do About It
    “You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves.”
    [Abraham Lincoln]
    Parents tell us that today’s children have tons of material belongings, but do little to contribute around the house. They say the children assert that this is okay, normal in other homes and should be okay in their home. We’ve heard the term “Entitle-mania” batted around the community, and parents we work with say it is spreading like wildfire.
    We know the problem exists, but now it is time to find practical solutions to challenge it. Society’s focus today is on:
Avoidance of discomfort.
Over emphasis on meeting your child’s needs (Helicopter Parenting).
Working only if there is payoff for the individual (“What’s in it for me?”).
    A cohesive family home, with children growing up resilient and filled with positive characteristics, is unlikely under these conditions.
    We’d like to share reports from brave parents, willing to be open with us about their mistakes and challenges, as they seek a balance between caring, giving, and doing for their children. Then we will offer more hands-on, how tos.
    Notes from the Real Parenting Lab:
There Is No Easy Way Out
    Gabby and Don were just like any other couple that walks through our office doors, adamant they want the best for their child. Unfortunately, because of their drive to give to their child “the life they never had,” their son Miles is, as they say, “out of control.”
    Miles is not only an entitled child but, his parents say, he is also a “master emotional manipulator.” At the tender age of eight, there are thousands of dollars’ worth of gaming consoles, computer products, and hardware stacked in his room. He insists that he must have these things, and that he deserves these advantages.
    In an attempt to keep Miles happy, mom Gabby, who works from home, admits to often giving him whatever he wants. “I know I’m not supposed to… and that I’m probably doing it all wrong, but I don’t like to see him cry or get angry. It’s easier to say ‘yes’.”
    Like Gabby, many moms and dads often give in to their children because the repercussions seem too severe, bothersome, or time-consuming to deal with on a daily basis. And, the tantrums, anger, and acting out that can go on when a child does not get