Free Seeds of Hate by Melissa Perea Page A

soooooooo good,” Nathan exclaimed. “What is it?”
    I don't think he cared about the game anyway.
    "Well, Nathan, I hope you like it. I'm not sure what you normally eat at home, but I made Javi's favorite—mac 'n' cheese with grilled spam."
    Nathan's face twisted. "What's spam?"
    "Well, just think of it as another form of bacon. Do you like bacon?" I asked.
    "I looooooooove bacon!" he replied as his eyes lit up with excitement.
    Dear Lord, please let the kid like spam. "Well then, good, you should like this."
    The boys sat down at the table and devoured heaping portions of food. All that expelled energy playing video games gave them one heck of an appetite. I enjoyed having the company of another child. We felt more like a family. Not that I didn't enjoy life with just the two of us, but I remembered someone saying it took three people to make a family. I got caught up momentarily in the feel of it, wishing that Javi's father hadn't wanted out of my life and Javi's.
    I didn't blame him, but he still made a choice. I was at fault as much as he was. Getting pregnant at eighteen wasn't something either of us had planned, but welcoming a child as precious as Javier into my life when I was barely an adult was a double-edged sword. In the end, I was raising him all by myself. There were months when I didn't know if we would make it, but so far we had and we would. Without help from my parents and without help from Javier's father.
    When I found Lita everything got easier. She was our neighbor and retired, and although in her late sixties, she came into our home and turned our world around.
    The boys continued to eat and talk amongst each other. It was crazy how close they had become over the years. Nathan was Javi's best friend.
    "Okay boys, if you help me clean the dinner table I will make dessert. How does that sound?" I asked.
    Javier looked at Nathan with a mischievous grin.
    " Mama, when you say dessert what exactly do you mean?" he asked.
    I knew exactly what he would want. S’mores.
    " Why Javi, do you have a suggestion?"
    "Weeeeeeell," he drew out long and sweet. It's the same way he asks for anything that he knows I might refuse. "I was thinking, since it's Nathan's first time over, which means this is a special day and special days should always be celebrated, that maybe... " His eyes squinted in hopeful anticipation.
    I laughed at his effort. "Just spit it out, Javi."
    "Okay, can we please please please please please pretty please please please please make s'mores tonight? Pleeeeease?"
    Staring down at him, I paused without responding. He was so easy to tease.
    Eventually I responded, "Sure, Javi. We can make s'mores."
    Javier jumped on top of his chair and fist pumped the air. "Oh my gosh, Nathan, you are going to love it. Have you ever had s'mores before?"
    Nathan, not really understanding the conversation at all, had his mouth open and his eyes wide. "Is it bad if I say no?"
    "Yes, yes yes yes yes! I mean no-no. It's not bad. I'll teach you how to make them. It will be fun!" said Javier. He would be able to share something with Nathan that he hadn't tried before.
    I prepped the kitchen to make s'mores. We didn't have a backyard for a fire pit so using the gas burners would have to make due. Thankfully, we at least had that. The apartment before only had electric. This was how I originally taught Javier anyway and he never seemed to complain. I could always taste a slight gaseous flavor to the marshmallows, but I was willing to overlook it. One day I would take them to the beach and they would make real s'mores with wire hangers and gritty sand shoved between their toes. It would be like sharing a part of Javier's father with him. He was the one who taught me how to make s'mores in the first place.
    I touched my lips. I could still feel the ghost of his kiss.
    Almost ten years had gone by since I last saw him and another man had yet to replace him. I shook my head from side to side. He was gone. Long gone. He