Free Seeds of Hate by Melissa Perea

tomorrow. Dinner in the fridge.
    - Carolyn
    The night got a little brighter. I went to my bedroom, pressed play on my stereo and turned the volume up louder than acceptable. Grabbing a favorite from the bookshelf, I headed toward their bathroom and ran myself a bath. I dropped the book on the floor and ran downstairs to the liquor cabinet. Pouring minimal amounts from three different bottles, I then added coke. Frank would never notice.
    With drink in hand, I went back upstairs, undressed and settled into my bath. I read for thirty minutes, until my brain became fuzzy. My thoughts relaxed and kept repeating my last encounter with Javier. Except each time the scenario changed and his presence prolonged. Right before I closed my eyes, Javier had approached the girls as they were throwing me against the car. He stepped in front of me, his back toward me and his scowl directed at them. I felt a tingling sensation across my skin at the thought of touching him.
    He crossed his arms and said one word: "Leave." And they did, though not quietly. They whispered amongst each other loud enough to hear. Bitch. Slut. Ugly. None of which were true, well except maybe the last, depending upon the person. My eyes closed as the water turned cold, but my body remained warm. Droplets dripped down my face and my chest began to shake. Javier turned around and smiled, "You okay?" It was the first time someone had asked. My face flushed and I leaned into the porcelain tub as if it was a pillow.
    Forty-five minutes later, I woke up in freezing water, with a stiff neck and prune-tipped fingers. I blinked several times in the dark room and tried to clear my head. My stomach growled in the silence. I wrapped a towel around my hair and body and then headed back downstairs. The microwave dinged as I heated up a plate of food. I sat down at the table and ate my dinner in Frank's chair with my feet propped up.
    I thought back on Javier protecting me and I smiled. I just wanted him as a friend. I just wanted him as a friend .
    God, why couldn't I be pretty and cool and popular? I finished my food and tossed my plate in the sink. Walking back to their bathroom, I grabbed my book, my glass and emptied the tub. I froze as I crossed the large mirror in the center. Turning, I set my stuff down on the counter and stared at my reflection. My fingers touched my cheek and I pulled my face around at different angles, changing my appearance. I opened up my towel and dropped it to the floor, my breasts, belly and thighs visible in the light. I wasn't fat, but whatever I was, wasn't enough. My hair hung in partial dry and wet curls and even though I liked who I was, I didn't like what I saw.
    My parents didn't come back because I wasn't good enough. I had no friends because I wasn't good enough. Why, why couldn't I just be good enough?

Chapter 12
    Sleepover - The Past
    (Maribel)

    "All right boys, it's time for dinner!" Nathan and Javier ran through the hallway and into the cozy dining room. Both boys were flushed and had a thin sheen of sweat coating their foreheads. "What were you two doing? You're red and panting like dogs!"
    "Aye! Mama we were just playing video games. Nathan passed six levels for me and showed me all these super cool hidden passages. I'm so glad Carlos let me borrow it!" My son's mouth slammed shut in embarrassment and his eyes tightened with shame. I don't think he wanted Nathan knowing we couldn't afford a video game system. Nathan had talked all week about wanting to play some game on the Nintendo, so Javier begged his cousin Carlos to let him borrow it for the night. It was his first time having a friend over and he wanted to make sure it was fun.
    I watched the emotions on my sons face rapidly change as he tried to recover from the words that slipped out. Shaking off my concern and the disappointment that I couldn't buy him everything, I distracted the boys with food in an attempt to divert Nathan's attention.
    "Mrs. Rios, dinner smells