Free Lynda's Lace by Lacey Alexander

opportunity. And I think it’s because…well, I can’t bear to mar the way he thinks of me. No man has ever thought I was so perfect or been so proud to take me places and introduce me to people. No man has ever looked at me like I’m so flawless. And no matter how I try, I just can’t risk messing that up.”
    Liz appeared confused now, not to mention aghast—understandably, Lynda supposed. “So you’re saying you’re willing to lose him or break up with him, as opposed to trying to save the relationship by telling him about the real you?”
    Numbly, Lynda nodded. She knew it sounded stupid, but she’d been thinking it over and it was the conclusion she’d drawn. “Liz, I just don’t get guys like Jordan. I get guys like Charlie .” She’d told Liz all the horror stories about her ex. “All through high school and after, right up until I got married, the only guys who were really crazy about me were…well, the ones who turned out to be lowlife losers, and I would have seen it from the beginning if I’d looked, because the signs were always there.
    “After Charlie, of course, I quit paying attention. Sex just became a social thing and I made that clear to any guy I hooked up with, so I quit even thinking about whether the guys were good ones or bad, as long as they had a nice cock and knew how to use it.
    “Even lately, after I started realizing I might want more from a guy than just sex, I never really expected a man like Jordan to enter my life, or to think I was worthy of him. He’s just too wonderful. And if I can’t have him the way I want him… Well, if we split up, I’d just prefer that he remember me the way he thinks of me, not the way I really am. And if I tell him the truth, I’m almost sure we’ll split up, so why mar his image of me?”
    Liz let out a derisive sigh. “Look, I understand why you don’t want to mar his perfect vision—but this is not the Lynda I know and love. The Lynda I know is honest and forthright and doesn’t care if anyone doesn’t like it. She’s bold and outgoing and gets what she wants. And mostly, the Lynda I know is happy . You haven’t seemed like any of those things lately, and I think if you’re honest with Jordan, no matter what happens, you’ll at least get you back. Know what I mean?”
    Linda let out a long, tired breath. She did know what Liz meant. In fact, she missed her old self—this new, refined Lynda was for the birds. “I guess,” she finally admitted, “but part of the problem here is that I’m in love with him. That really complicates things. There’s a lot more at risk by being honest. God, I never thought I’d be choosing between a man I love and…some guy in a bar who’ll wear a mask and tie me up and make me call him daddy.”
    Liz laughed, and so did Lynda, glad she’d injected a little levity into the conversation. Yet Liz still spoke dryly when she said, “What I can’t believe is that there’s actually any contest. I mean, are you listening to yourself? Seriously considering breaking things off with Jordan just so you can go have wild sex with other people? Without giving him a chance to be wild first? If I didn’t know better, I’d say you just need a good orgasm.”
    “That’s the problem. I need more than orgasms. I need sex toys . I need a little force . I need the forbidden .”
    Liz sounded thoroughly exasperated with her now. “And you might be able to have all that stuff—with Jordan—if you’d just suggest it to him and see what he says.”
    Lynda shoved the last bite of a nearly forgotten beignet in her mouth, at a loss for an answer. “Here’s what it boils down to. I want to go through life knowing that one person, just one person, who I really care for, thinks I’m perfect. Apparently, I value that so much that I’m just not willing to risk losing it, even if I lose everything else just to keep it. I know that sounds crazy, but is wanting him to think I’m perfect such a horrible