Free Phoenix by Raine Anthony Page A

it always does. I’m usually okay once I start talking; it’s the
anticipation that kills me. There are a good few people inside. I spot Margaret’s
son chatting casually to a customer.
    James is tall and stocky with light blue eyes and reddish blonde hair. He
looks like he might be in his late thirties. I begin to search my brain for the
kinds of things one might need for gardening. A rake. A trowel. One of those
huge sweeping brushes with the thick red bristles. God, I can’t even remember
what those are called.
    Sometimes when I go into a shop and I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking
for I become incredibly self-conscious and paranoid that the shopkeeper is
watching me impatiently. Right now that is most certainly not the case, however
I can’t seem to shake the anxiety.
    I pick up a packet of weed-killer and turn it over to look at the back,
just for something to do. A woman with two small children pushes past me in the
narrow aisle. There are two men in their fifties in the next aisle talking
about fertiliser. Not too many people, but to me in this moment it’s like an
enormous crowd. I can feel the beads of perspiration formulating on my brow.
    Stop it , I tell myself. Nobody is looking at you, nobody cares.
You’re just a person shopping, like everyone else here. I dig a
handkerchief out of my bag and wipe the sweat from my forehead. I take deep
breaths in and out and tell myself once more to calm down.
       Funnily enough, I probably will need the weed-killer I’m holding in my
sweaty palms, so I put it in the basket I got at the door. When I turn to go look
in the next aisle I stop in my tracks. Phoenix is standing at the opposite end
of it, staring at some tins of varnish on a shelf.
    He must sense me looking at him because he quickly turns toward me. When
he sees me he nods hello with a small smile. I hesitate before smiling back and
mouthing, “Hi.”
    Phoenix then returns his attention to the tins he was previously
consulting. I force myself to continue shopping and not run out of the place in
fear of what, I do not know. I grab a few packets of seeds. I don’t even look
at them to see what they’re for. If they are seeds then I’m sure I will be able
to plant them.
    The next items I pick up are, one: a medium sized shovel, two: a watering
can, and three: pruning shears. I decide this will do for now. In my peripheral
vision I can see that Phoenix is still in the shop, which is beginning to empty
seeing as it’s almost closing time.
     I queue up at the counter behind the woman with the two children. When
it’s my turn I stagger slightly at the weight of my shopping basket and
Margaret’s son rushes around from behind the counter to assist me.
    “Thank you,” I tell him gratefully.
    “No problem,” he replies smiling. His eyes scan me up and down. “Aren’t
you Eve? My mother’s new neighbour?”
    “Uh yes, how did you know?”
    “She described you well. Mum’s big on details.”
    “Oh, right,” I reply, glancing down at the floor and picking at my nails.
    “Well, thanks for keeping my parents company last Sunday. Mum’s taken a big
shine to you. She said you’re lovely,” James goes on as he slides my items past
the scanner.
    “That was very kind of her to say.”
    His expression warms as he compliments me cheerfully while putting my
things into a plastic bag. “She was definitely right.”
    I hear footsteps stop behind me and I know they belong to Phoenix because
he is the only person left in the shop besides me. I can hear him breathing heavily,
can almost feel his air touch the back of my neck.
    “Planning on doing a spot of gardening?” asks James.
    “If the weather holds.”
    “Any plans for the weekend?”
    “Nothing besides grade homework and garden,” I say.
    James lets out a polite laugh. “Ah yes, you teach at the school. Mum
mentioned that, too.”
    I am highly aware of Phoenix’s presence behind me. I don’t know why, but
this makes my chest tighten and