Free Alpine for You by Maddy Hunter Page A

Dick Stolee sinking to the bottom of the river. If he ran off half-cocked and killed himself, I'd be accused of allowing someone to drown my first day on the job. This would not be a big selling point on my resume. Nuts.
    I looked at Dick. I looked at the hairpiece. I sighed with resignation. "Put your shoes back on, Dick. I'll do it."
    "You can swim?"
    "'Fraid so."
    "Why didn't you say something sooner? Hurry up." He jammed his feet back into his shoes and urged me down the steps. "It's getting away."
    It was four feet from shore and doing a slow backstroke toward the middle of the river. I shrugged out of my raincoat and kicked off my shoes. I pulled off my cardigan. I looked up to find Dick Teig focusing the camcorder on me. "This is the plaza in front of the Jesuit Church. This is Emily getting naked on the plaza in front of the Jesuit Church."
    I rushed down to stand on the last step above water level. I reached out as far as I could. It was about five feet away now and completely out of reach.
    "If you wait long enough, maybe the tide will carry it to shore," Dick Teig called out. I rolled my eyes. Being a native Iowan, the only tide Dick Teig knew about was the laundry detergent, and if Helen was in charge of the wash, he wouldn't even know that much.
    "Be careful when you grab it," Dick Stolee advised. "Try not to damage the part."
    "How deep is this water?" All I could see were steps disappearing into liquid murk.
    "Don't sweat the water. Just dive in and get it."
    "I'm wearing cashmere, all right? Diving is not an option!" I was sorry already for taking this job. With mindless courage, I stepped onto the first submerged riser. "YEOOOOOOW!" My ankles and toes numbed instantaneously. I could hear Dick Teig filming behind me.
    "This is Emily freezing her ass off."
    I lunged for the toupee. It bobbed away on a little wave. I descended another step, and another. The water was up to my knees. I hopped to the end of the riser and stretched as far as I could. Almost. It was just beyond my fingertips. Just a little farther...
    KERPLUNK!
    I thrashed to the surface in a frenzy of sodden clothing and frozen limbs. I opened my eyes. The hairpiece was just beyond my nose. I'd taken Red Cross lifesaving. I knew how to save a drowning body, but I wasn't sure if the same technique would work on a hairpiece.
    I swiped at the toupee and crushed it in my fist, then swam the four feet to shore. Dick Stolee helped me out of the water and up the stairs. He snatched his hairpiece from me. After wringing a gallon of river water out of it, he smacked it against his thigh in what I figured was the male version of the blow-dry method. "Looks like it'll be good as new. Thanks, Emily. You're all right."
    "D-don't mention it." I was shivering so badly, I thought my jaw would crack. My teeth chattered. My knees knocked together.
    "It's damn cold out here, Emily. You'd better get into some dry clothes." Dick looked at his watch. "And you'd better hurry. We only have a couple of hours until we head back to the bus."
    I stared at his watch in horror. Unh-oh. Everything had happened so fast. Had I remembered to remove my watch before I'd done my Little Mermaid routine? I lifted my arm and reluctantly coaxed the sleeve of my sweater past my wrist. No. NOOOO!
    "Something wrong with your watch?" Dick inquired.
    I waved it in front of his face. "It's f-full of water. How can it be f-full of water? It's brand-new! It's w-water-resistant!"
    "I think what you wanted was water proof. Remember that next time. Gotta run. Have to see what the big deal about the church is. Thanks again." He held his toupee up like a prized fish and posed in front of his camcorder for a final shot.
    "Dick's hair," narrated Dick Teig. "Reunited with Dick's head."
    "Sacre bleu," I muttered as I peered down at the ruined watch that was costing me the equivalent of ten years' worth of curly fries. Sacre bleu is a common expression among non-Norwegians in Iowa. From what I can figure,