Free My Big Fat Low-Fat Wedding by Katya Starkey Page A

heading to work.
    “You ran out of pain medication days ago, honey.” He says. “Why, are your legs feeling better?”
    What do I say to that? If Callum is being serious then it means my legs are indeed feeling a lot better. There’s barely a dull ache near my hamstring.
    “You’ve been in bed for a week. I should think that’s enough time to heal.”
    Now what did he just say? “I beg your pardon?”
    Callum sniffs the air. “It’s okay love, I can’t smell your fart.”
    “Oh you!” Sitting up all on my own I throw a pillow at him. “I didn’t ask for your pardon because I farted… which I didn’t! I asked you how long I’ve been in bed for.”
    “A week!” Callum smiles, drops his tie and comes towards me. “And I’d say it was all the time you needed to mend your sexy legs.”
    A week. I’ve been bed ridden for an entire week. “But I thought I’d just slept through the weekend.”
    Callum sits next to me and wraps his arms around me. “You may not have farted just now, but you’ve definitely not had a bath in at least a week, love.”
    I’m tempted to positively smother my fiancé with the last remaining pillow on the bed.
    Unfortunately, he’s right. I reek.
    Callum leaves for work and I phone Anika at the cafe. After she’s finished using big words from the English dictionary, she finally relents and decides to let me come back to work at my own cafe. Not before I’ve reassured her that my legs are much better though. Callum must have really expressed the pain I was in when he’d spoken to Anika during my bed ridden week.
    I get the same idea when I look at all the text messages on my phone. Scrolling back in time I find the original text my darling fiancé sent to all my friends and family…
    THIS IS CALLUM TEXTING FROM EMILY’S PHONE IN REQUEST THAT SHE NOT BE DISTURBED DURING HER ROAD TO RECOVERY, UPON PAIN OF DEATH.
    Oh that’s just terrific. Apparently my betrothed had threatened to kill anyone who decided to bother me during my epic leg hurt week. That didn’t stop the text messages from rolling in though. There are about a million and one texts from Lara telling me I have to come back in for a dress fitting immediately!
    That was a message from two days ago. They get more shouty in text the more recently I scroll up the timeline until Lara’s words screech at me in capital letters, just like Callum’s original threatening outgoing message.
    I suppose Lara’s right. I do have an impending wedding to attend in just a matter of weeks. Why, I’m getting married to the most wonderfully caring man anyone could ever hope to be engaged to. I’m getting married. I’m having a wedding. I’ve been laid up for an entire week and I’m going to a bride soon.
    So much time has wasted away so that my legs could heal!
    Well, that’s all about to change. I’m determined to make up for lost time now. I’ve got so much to do. I’m getting married!
    Whisking the duvet off my legs I’m stunned at the sight of them. My pins look amazing! So the trick to losing excess weight involves hard core exercise and then a week long sabbatical from life in bed. Somehow, I don’t think even seeing my legs looking slimmer is enough to convince me to ever again take a shred class.
    Hopping out of bed isn’t perfect. I do wobble a bit, but at least there’s no pain involved on my walk to the bathroom.
    Two hours later I’m out of the house and walking down the road. It took me quite some time to get myself and my bedroom tidied up after spending a solid week in its confines.
    I’m refreshed and ready to go now though! Nothing’s going to stop me prepping everything that needs doing before my wedding day arrives.
     
    ***

    Nothing will stop me walking down the aisle either. Not even the fact that I can’t seem to find a suitable dress at Lara’s bridal shop. I’ve been here for two hours already and I’ve probably tried on every dress in the store. I just can’t seem to find one that I like.