Free The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse by Robert Rankin Page A

specifically still, on the surface of the pool's water: a very nasty crusty-looking scum.
    'So how
are
you doing?’ Jack asked the ursine detective.
    Eddie shook his tatty head. 'It's tricky,' he said. 'So many policemen's feet have trampled all around and about the place. But there's no evidence of a struggle. Humpty was bathing in the pool. The murderer took him by surprise.'
    Jack peered down at the pool with its nasty crusty scum. 'Boiled him?' he asked. 'How?'
    'Not sure yet,' said Eddie. 'My first thoughts were that the murderer simply turned up the pool's heating system. But that would have taken time and Humpty would have climbed out when the water got too hot.'
    'Perhaps Humpty was drugged or asleep in the pool.'
    'That's not how it was done. I'll tell you how it was done as soon as I've figured it out.'
    'Hm,' said Jack, putting a thumb and forefinger to his chin and giving it a squeeze.
    Eddie paced around the pool, did some more head cocking, some more backing away and then some more throwing himself down onto his stomach and wriggling about. Then he stood up and began to frantically beat at his head.
    'What
are
you doing?’ Jack asked.
    'Rearranging my brain cells,' said Eddie. 'Vigorous beating peps them up no end.'
    'Your head's full of sawdust.'
    'I know my own business best.'
    'I'll leave you to it then.' Jack sat down on a poolside lounger. It was a most substantial poolside lounger, capable of accommodating, at the very least, a fat family. Possibly two. No, that would be silly,
one
fat family. And no more than that.
    Jack swung to and fro on the lounger and looked all around and about. Around and about and up and down, then up again once more.
    Eddie was down on his belly once again, leaning over the pool.
    'What are you doing now?’ Jack asked.
    'Come and give me a hand, if you will.'
    Jack swung out of the lounger.
    'Take my legs,' said Eddie. 'Lower me down. But
don't
drop me in the water.'
    'Okay. What have you seen?' Jack lowered Eddie over the edge.
    'Eleven, twelve, thirteen,' said Eddie. 'Interesting. Pull me up, please.’ Jack pulled Eddie up.
    'See it?' said Eddie, pointing with a paw. 'The scum on the side of the pool. The pool water's lower than it should be. The scum has left traces, like beer does on the inside of a glass as you drink from it. There're thirteen separate lines going down. And it's thirteen days since Humpty was boiled. What do you make of that?'
    'The pool water has dropped a little each day. Perhaps there's a leak.'
    'The water would drain away steadily if there was a leak; there wouldn't be any lines.'
    Jack shrugged. 'Evaporation,' he said. 'It's warm enough in here.'
    'Not
that
warm. The stained-glass roof keeps direct sunlight out, as you can see.'
    Jack looked up again. The roof looked the same as it had done before: stunningly beautiful, but not entirely
right.
    'Get me that rubber ring,' said Eddie. 'I want to get an overview from the middle of the pool.'
    'You're going to float about in that scummy water?'
    '
On,
not
in.'
    Jack brought over the rubber ring, put it into the pool and lifted Eddie onto it. 'Push me out,' said Eddie. Jack pushed him out.
    'It's something very clever,' said Eddie, 'whatever it is.'
    'Eddie,' said Jack, 'what was the exact time of death? Does anybody know?'
    'Midday,' said Eddie. 'Mr Froggie was doing his rounds; he heard the scream.'
    'Midday,' said Jack, thoughtfully. 'What's the time now, do you think?'
    'I don't have a watch. Around that time, I suppose.'
    'Eddie,' cried Jack, 'get out of the pool.'
    'What?' said Eddie.
    'Get out of the pool, quickly.'
    'Look,' said Eddie, 'I'm the detective and although I appreciate you trying to help - no, strike that, actually I don't. I think that the best thing you could do is—
    'Bong!' went a clock, somewhere in the late Humpty's apartment.
    'Eddie, get out of the pool. Row or something.'
    'I'm not putting a paw in that scum.'
    'Get out of the pool.'
    BONG.
    'What are you going on