Free Sam Cruz's Infallible Guide to Getting Girls by Tellulah Darling Page B

appropriate trivia,” I continue bringing her back on topic, “is the many ways Tab B fits into Slot A.”
    She ignores me some more. Doesn’t matter. If she keeps going like this, she’ll lose him soon enough and then we can focus.
    Ally snaps her fingers under Etienne’s nose. He finally looks up.
    “There. That wasn’t so hard was it?” She plasters on a fake smile that still makes her look annoyed.
    Etienne shoots me a glance. “She’s kidding, right?”
    I shake my head. “Nope.”
    Etienne looks appalled. Some blond in a purple tutu passes by and smiles at Etienne. He follows her.
    “Son of a bitch,” Ally swears. “Fine. What now?”
    “You scared off a Frenchman. I’m stymied.”
    She stares at me skeptically then points out an average-looking guy flailing around in a sad approximation of dancing. “Maybe I could start lower on the food chain.”
    “Your first time as ‘evolved owning your sexuality’ Ally does not involve bottom feeding. Nor does it involve accessing your inner Bill Nye.”
    Ally sticks her tongue out at me then surveys the room.
    We see an uptight girl chat up some sour-looking Republican who looks bored and a ditzy looking trendazoid staring wide-eyed up at two frat boys, who seem to be doing all the talking. She touches them a lot and they’re falling over themselves to impress her.
    Neither approach is right for Ally, in my opinion, but she needs to figure some of this out on her own, so I leave her to her own devices and head back to the bar area to get a refill.
    Coke in hand, I sweep through the room like I own the place.
    Given the flirty looks shot at me by girls, I do.
    As I recognize some faces, I realize that not everyone here is a high school senior. There is, in fact, a pretty good representation of my favorite college delights.
    Before I can pick out which morsel to go for, I accidentally bump into a pixie-like girl.
    Choice made.
    “Sam,” she says, surprised.
    Shit. “Hey gorgeous,” I cover, having no clue what her name is. “Good to see you again.”
    I lean in and kiss her cheek.
    “You too,” she replies. “I haven’t seen you since…”
    She waits for me to finish. She’s good.
    But I’m better.
    I whip out my phone. “Hang on. My fat fingers mangle the keyboard but I’m not letting you leave without getting your info.”
    I hand her the phone. She reluctantly takes it and starts entering her contact info.
    “How’s school going?” I keep the small talk going long enough for her to enter her name and number.
    “Great, actually. I made the Dean’s list.”
    “You totally deserve it.” I take the phone back and surreptitiously glance at it.
    “You know, Hannah,” I continue, “you’ve done something different since I last saw you.” I check her out. “Hair?”
    She touches her hair. “Um, it’s shorter now.”
    Hair. Always a safe bet. “It looks great,” I assure her.
    She looks at me oddly and I can tell she’s confused about whether I really remember her. Which I don’t, but why upset her.
    “I almost didn’t…” I trail off at the sight of Ally, throwing me a totally sexy grin. Huh?
    “…Recognize…” I try to focus but lose it again as Ally twirls her hair and blinks adorably before looking away.
    Perfectly disinterested.
    I am confused. And turned on.
    “I…”
    I shift, uncomfortable.
    “Are you alright?” Hannah asks.
    I glance back at Ally, who takes a sip of her drink then licks her lips.
    I take a large sip of pop and press the glass to my neck. “Hot in here.”
    “I should get back to my friends,” Hannah says.
    “No! I mean, let me buy you a…” Once more, there I go. Except this time it’s because I realize what’s actually been going on.
    Ally hasn’t been doing this for my benefit. She’s been coming on to some douchebag in urban clothing who’s honing in on her like a heat-seeking missile.
    “Monkey humping credit card baller,” I mutter. “I don’t think so.”
    I hurry off to