Free Sins of the Mother by Irene Kelly

managed somehow to keep it down.
    I ate really quickly and afterwards I sat back, hardly satisfied but at least I had something inside me. I sniffed the air.
Mmmmm
. Something smelled good. What was it? Where was it
coming from? I looked around me. All the children had their heads down over their bowls as three nuns patrolled the rows of tables. I leaned back slightly to get a better view. Now I could see
right to the back of the room. There, at the end, was a table on a platform where all the nuns were sitting, eating their dinner. Even from where I was sitting quite far away I could see they ate
from plates, not bowls, and on those plates were the unmistakable round shapes of potatoes sticking up. I squinted a little – they had golden roast potatoes, steaming orange carrots and some
plump cuts of chicken too. In the middle of the table was a bowl – it looked like it had fluffy bread rolls in it. Ohhh, it looked so lovely, so good. My stomach started rumbling again. Now I
knew where that delicious smell was coming from. But why did they have that nice food while we had the grey slop? I looked around, hoping to see someone approaching us with bowls full of rolls, but
nobody came.
    After lunch we were shown through to a large room where there were chairs all round the sides. There was nothing else there.
    ‘This is the sitting room,’ the small nun explained. ‘You’ll start school first thing tomorrow but for now you can stay here. The doctor has to see you later. Benediction
is at six in the evening. I’ll come and fetch you then. By the way, you can call me Sister Beatrice. Now stay there and don’t make any trouble.’
    ‘Excuse me, sister, what is this place?’
    ‘Are you really that ignorant?’ the nun sneered. I didn’t know how to reply. Nobody had told us where we were so how was I supposed to know?
    ‘This is St Grace’s orphanage,’ she sighed. ‘Now enough of your stupid questions. Stay here and keep your mouths shut.’
    The rest of the day passed by in a blur. At some point we were shown into a room to see a doctor who asked some questions and examined us and then, later, we were taken to the church for
Benediction. Tea was a slice of stale bread and some watery cocoa then we were sent through to the sitting rooms – there were different rooms for the different ages. They were very large
rooms with parquet flooring, high ceilings and wooden stacking chairs lined up round the walls. The three of us sat very close to each other but we didn’t speak – we were too scared and
confused. I just missed Mammy and wanted to go home.
    Now there were children all around me, chattering and making a noise. I suddenly felt very small and shy. I just kept my head down and tried to stay as quiet and still as possible. Later we were
shown up to the dormitories – Martin was in the boys’ one and me and Agatha were shown to the girls’ dorm where we were stripped and given a nightdress each. After we said our
prayers it was time for lights out and I was so tired I closed my eyes and felt the inevitable tug of sleep. As I drifted off, my last thought was for Mammy.
I hope she’s coming to get us
tomorrow. I don’t think I like it here . . .
    ‘Get up!’ a timid voice whispered in my ear. Startled, I sat bolt upright. High ceilings, rows and rows of beds?
Where am I? What is this place?
For a
moment I felt confused and then it all came flooding back. Agatha stood next to my bed, her sky blue eyes wide with fear. It was the morning now and I could see children bustling about the
dormitory, pulling on dresses, rushing to and from the bathroom at the end of the corridor.
    ‘We have to get up now!’ Agatha whispered. I rubbed my eyes sleepily and looked around. Somewhere nearby I heard the unmistakable sound of a little girl crying, punctuated by the
urgent whispers of another girl trying to comfort her.
    ‘I’m sure she won’t do it this time,’ said the girl doing the