Free What a Bear Needs (The Wild Side) by Nikki Winter Page B

get to ignore my existence out of some misguided sense of duty.”
    Her laugh came out on a hard bark of bitterness. “Misguided sense of duty? Did you practice this speech in your head, Maddox?”
    A muscle worked in his jaw. “I know about your gift and—”
    “Gift!” she roared. “You think that this is a fucking gift?!”
    Maddox looked at a loss.
    Cree wrapped her arms about herself, her lips curving in a sharp smile as she shook her head. “A gift,” she said softly. “You really believe that this thing—this cancer — is a gift.” Her eyes rose and the sadness she saw in his gaze made rage bubble up beneath her skin. “It’s a disease, Maddox. A sicknessthat erodes your soul. You can never be certain that every thought belongs to solely you. There are desires, wants, compulsionsthat move you to do things that you believed were unfathomable at one point and time; your body is no longer your own!” she finished on a shout. “This is not a gift! It’s death!It’s something that destroys everything you love and all you can do is sit back and watch it happen. You can pull, you can yank, you can scream and howl and roar but you don’t belong to yourself, you belong to every. Single. One. Of. Them.”
    She rocked, pulling at her hair. “There are days when I avoid the mirror because I know that if I peek, I won’t see me, I’ll see them. There are days that I can’t even remember a conversation or an event that happened minutes after it’s occurred because it wasn’t me . ” Agitation began in her chest and spread outwards. “I change, I move differently, I look at the worlddifferently and when something runs past my line of sight I’m liable to stare at it as though it’s prey rather than another living being. All because my humanity is dying . It disappears more and more each minute and I can feelit. There are too many of them. Too many thoughts, too many needs, too many emotions and they’re all festering . My empathy is being feasted on, my compassion has been shredded and my loyalty is being tested. This will never be a gift.”
    His touch was tentative—light—as he moved her hair. “You still owe me a day.”
    Cree’s head jerked up at the unexpected words and Maddox’s face gave away nothing but resolve. “You’re fucking offit.”
    “I want my day.”
    “You don’t get it do you?” She gazed at him in disbelief. “We’re not Fallon and Ransom, Maddox.”
    “I want my day.”
    She shoved at his chest. “Stop!” Cree pushed him again. “We don’t get to be that way! We don’t get to be happy!”
    He took her hands into his own and squeezed slightly. “You swore.”
    “Did you not see what I did to that buck?” Trying to jerk free failed so her best option was to scare him. “I could do that to you. I could do worse to you.” She could, she’d seen what this side of her nature was capable of; she’d seen what hell really looked like.
    Maddox only blinked and repeated, “You swore.”
    “I wouldn’t care that it was you, Maddox. I wouldn’t care about feelings or humor or lust. I’d kill you and then cut down half that pack afterwards,” she pushed. “I’d kill you and I wouldn’t look back.” Cree bit her lip to stop the trembling that had begun there. “There is no fairytale ending to this. You can’t be my knight, you can’t slay the monster lurking in the shadows.” Her vision changed and she knew he was staring into the eyes of whatever had taken hold of her for the moment. “I am the monster.”
    Keeping his gaze on hers, he angled himself until their noses were touching and whispered, “You’re not your mother.”
    Her jaw worked. “Shut up.” He didn’t know that; couldn’t know that .
    “You’re nota senseless beast that can’t be contained, Cree.”
    “I mean it, Maddox.”
    “You’re kind and funny and intelligent.”
    The fight was steadily draining from her. She was tired; so tired. “Please…”
    “Your pack mates love