Free The People Factor: How Building Great Relationships and Ending Bad Ones Unlocks Your God-Given Purpose by Van Moody Page A

forever changed the course of history and the human race.
    Adam and Eve are often referred to as “the first parents,” and in their case, they set a terrific example of what not to do. Eve allowed herself to be deceived, and Adam compromised his integrity to please his wife. He allowed his commitment to her to overshadow his commitment to doing what is right. In the end, this compromise destroyed the very thing they were both trying to preserve: true intimacy with God and with each other.
    A similar story unfolds for a well-known biblical hero named David. He has a lot going for him, including a powerful position as king of Israel and, at one point in his life, the great honor of being called “a man after [God’s] own heart” (1 Sam. 13:14 NKJV ). He has killed a fierce Philistine giant with a mere slingshot and led armies to stunning victories on the battlefield. And yet, when he sees a beautiful woman—another man’s wife—bathing on her roof, a seed of compromise takes root in his mind. He gets her pregnant because compromise gets the best of him (2 Sam. 11). His life and leadership are never quite the same after that. Even though he pens a stirring song of repentance (Ps. 51), he suffers the consequences of his sin in certain ways for the rest of his life. For example, three of his children died (2 Sam. 12:19; 13:30–32; 18:9), he was never able to deal with the rape of his daughter (2 Sam.13:1–21), and the Lord would not allow him to build a temple because there was too much blood on his hands (1 Chron. 22:7–8).
    Adam pleases Eve, but he loses the Garden of Eden. David compromises his integrity with a woman and pleases himself, but he loses his kingdom temporarily, and his family becomes filled with strife. We must understand this fact about integrity: compromise only seems like a good idea at first. Once a person acts on the willingness to compromise personal integrity, the results can be disastrous. This is true for people who compromise and for everyone around them.
    A Complete Dedication to Pure Motives
    Integrity is so much more than obeying a set of rules. It is not simply doing right in terms of behavior, it is wanting to do right. It comes from an internal motive, not from external actions. While integrity can be seen in people’s actions and heard in their words, it is also evident in people’s motives.
    Simply put, a motive is a person’s reason for doing whatever he or she does. If a student cheats on a test, the motive is to get a good grade without having to do the work necessary to make the grade honestly. That person values good results but does not value integrity. He or she wants to look good, but does not want to be good.
    In relationships, understanding motives is vital. You must know why certain people want to be in relationships with you. Are they in relationships with you because they want access to your connections or because they want to be able drop your name in conversations with others? Do they want to be around you because you make them feel smart, attractive, funny, or desirable? Do they want to use your skills to their advantage? Do they want something—tangible or intangible—that belongs to you and that you may not be willing to give?
    If you can say yes to any of these questions, you are in a relationship with a taker. Takers, as opposed to givers, seek relationship for the purpose of getting for themselves, not benefiting you. Under these circumstances, the motivation is selfish, not loving. And that is a recipe for relational disaster. I would go so far as to say that the worst kind of people to be in relationships with are ones with impure motives, especially those who want to take from you without ever giving to you. They may ask you to be loyal and offer disloyalty in return, demand honesty from you while lying to your face, or insist that you love them while they treat you with apathy and indifference. Be very cautious of these people! They are users who will