Free Between Friends by Amanda Cowen

watch his lips. I
ached so badly, even biting my lower lip without even knowing it.
When Ben saw this, he playfully pulled on it and I turned crimson
red, thinking he knew exactly what was running through my mind. For
both of us, it became a serious game of flirtation; something I was
not accustomed to. Ben would twirl my hair and make suggestive
comments, and I would respond by foolishly laughing and slapping
him on the shoulder like a lovesick schoolgirl.
    Then, when I asked Ben, would he
rather have sex with Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie, and his
answer was neither; I made the mistake of looking at him. His eyes
blazed in my direction and I knew exactly what he was thinking. I
of course blushed and looked away. Ben rubbed his hands down his
thighs and let out some nervous laughter. By this point, I couldn’t
handle any more of our cat and mouse game. I couldn’t handle this
forced and suggestive bus ride that made me feel like my best
friend was slowly slipping through my fingers.
    I missed the Megan and Ben who would
creep Facebook together and make fun of the people who put
inspirational quotes as their status. I missed the Megan and Ben
who would sit and eat a tub of Ben and Jerry’s Heavenly Hash ice
cream over a game of Battleship. I especially missed the Megan and
Ben who would go for the occasional jog around Millennium Park on a
Sunday, just to see all the tourists enjoy the great city of
Chicago. So finally, when Ben says something awkward about missing
out on the skinny-dipping. I had it.
    “ Ben, what is this?” I
whisper in a stern hush.
    Ben nervously looks around to make
sure no one else is listening.
    “ We said what happened
wasn’t going to affect our friendship. But right now, this makes me feel like I
don’t even know you.” There. I said it.
    “ Megan...” he lets out a
tense sigh.
    “ No Ben, when you stormed
off last night after dinner –“
    “ Megan stop,” Ben cuts me
off, grabs my hand and squeezes it, “I wasn’t that
drunk.”
    “ What are you talking
about? It doesn’t matter if you were drunk or not, how you acted
was –“
    “ Megan, I’m not talking
about last night.” Ben whispers and pulls me closer. His warm
breath tickles the nape of my neck and sends chills up my spine. I
take a huge gulp, fully comprehending exactly what he is getting
at, when he adds, “I don’t regret what happened between us, and if
I could rewind time and do it again, I would.”
    I feel myself being sucked
into his gaze, losing control of every inhibition. But I snap out
of it, and I remind myself he is my best friend and this thing between us could
ruin everything. I nervously look away and remove my hand from his.
While one part of me is mortified he admitted to not being that
drunk, the other part of me is celebrating a small triumph. I’m
relieved to know I am not the only one confused over this whole
ordeal. There is a small part of me that is secretly pleased he has
been suffering and fretting over everything too.
    But, before I can even respond, the
bus comes to a complete halt. The tour guide’s voice booms over the
intercom and announces our arrival. Ben and I hold an intense gaze
for a few moments, before Jessica leans over our seat, “Are you two
ready to zip line or what?”
    ****
    Good God. The hike up the volcano is
exhausting. Beads of sweat pour down Matthew’s face as he wipes
them away with the back of his shirt. We are all geared up and
ready to go, helmets, ropes and all. Jessica is leading our group
using her beginner Spanish to communicate with our tour guide who
can clearly speak the English language. She keeps on looking back
at the rest of us hung-over-good-for-nothing friends of hers, but
continues to beam smiles of pure excitement. I feel Ben graze up
behind me, and it takes me a second to remember to breathe. He
brushes his body against my backside and drapes his arm around my
shoulders.
    “ Are you scared?” he asks
giving me a tiny grin.
    His voice