Free -Worlds Apart- Ruination by Amanda Thome

about. If that’s the case they make me irrational and frustrated. I stayed up half the night last night rehearsing our day together. We were going to do some skills training, maybe some Q&A on farming and healing. At some point I was going to take his hand and hold it, or maybe even lay against his chest if I felt brave enough. Maybe he would ask me out again and this time I’d say yes. All I know is sitting here alone wasn’t what I’d envisioned.
    The day seems so long without him. It hadn’t occurred to me how long a single afternoon could stretch. Eventually my shaking limbs force me to stand. I need to go home and warm myself.
    I meet Emma and Papa at third line for dinner and sit vacantly at the table as they talk. Twice Papa asks me questions I completely ignore. When the orange and pink rays hit the pavilion my stomach jolts as I think of Garrett.
    I follow several lengths behind them on our walk home. I don’t have enough energy to undress before falling into bed, my arm’s flung over the edge with my fingers resting on the bouquet of crumbling flowers. My eyes feel just as heavy as my heart until finally the weight of both carry me into another night of restless sleep. 
    My stomach’s turning circles when I wake well past first light. Today’s his day. He’s probably testing right now…tomorrow that’ll be me. Both thoughts terrify me. I want so badly to leave and find him, watch him test, or at least be there when he finishes.
    I scoot myself to the top of the bed and curl into a ball. My eyes cry for reasons I don’t totally understand. I should practice but I can’t study, not without him. My mind jolts realizing I could leave him a note. I jump out of bed, running to get paper and a pencil.
    ‘ Garrett, I hope you did great today! I am sure you did …’ No that sounds too fake. I erase it.
    ‘ Garrett, I was lost without you these last two days .’ I immediately erase.
    ‘ Garret, I wish I could have seen you today, I am sure you did great. Happy birthday. I’ll see you later .’
    That sounds good. There’s only two hours of daylight left to attach the note, get to third-line, and back home before curfew. I scramble from the table so fast that I actually forget the note. My mind screams as I reach the door, reversing I snatch it off the table. I travel the worn path to our secret spot, tying my note to the branch we sat on yesterday.
    ‘Please let him come tonight, please let him find my note and stay,’ I say over and over in my head as I bound toward the pavilion. 
    I join in the conversation at dinner. I’ve got to act normal or else Emma or Papa will suspect something . When dinner’s over I change out of my day-clothes into my blue nightgown. While Emma gets ready for bed I quickly bundle my day-clothes into a tight ball, tucking them under the loose wood paneling at the side of the house.
    “Good luck tomorrow, Nessa,” she says from across the bed.
    “Thanks. Let’s go to sleep, it’s getting late.” I watch her eyes flutter until they close. I wait for the quiet sound of her snoring. At last I hear it and I creep lightly out of the house into the night.
     

Chapter 14
     
     
    I close the door so gently that the creaking is hardly audible. I enter the dark night with the wind cutting across my exposed legs, it’s a struggle to move. I crouch into a ball and run. I try staying hidden from regulators that might be patrolling for people like me. That would be our second mark, I could still leap but if we got a third before Emma’s seventeenth birthday she wouldn’t have the chance. I’m being careless and selfish but my guilt’s overruled by my needs.
    I move to the side of the house, holding my arms outstretched as I search the frosted ground for my clothes. My hands sweep back and forth while I try coaxing my eyes into night vision. On my fourth pass I feel the bundle. I unroll the blue clothes, hastily throwing them on over my thin nightgown.
    The usual path to